Book Reviews
The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge
Shannon Ethridge is an engaging writer (and speaker if you get the chance to hear her). If you find yourself nervous about reading a book on the topic of sex, abandon your fears! Ethridge will quickly dissolve any fears away through her well-researched, but extremely readable book. Yes, she is direct and does not tip toe around the issues, but she is also storyteller. She weaves in examples from her own life and from people she has talked with that help to put the you at ease and illustrate how the issues she discusses are relevant issues for many women. She is also a humorous writer that knows how to lighten the mood and make reading a self-help book on sex, well, believe it or not, fun!
I would recommend this book to any woman who is married, regardless of whether you have been married for one month or 50 years. Ethridge acknowledges and addresses a tremendous variety of sex-related subjects. I would wager that there is something in the book that would strike a cord with you or help to improve your sexual relationship with your spouse. As I found, not all of the book may be applicable, but even if parts don’t apply to you, they may help you understand and help someone in the future. For those of you that are wondering, she is a Christian author and does spend time talking about the spiritual connection that is needed in marriage. That being said, she did market this book to be beneficial for all women, even if they are not Christian, so it does not have as much scripture and biblical ties as you will find in other books.
Ethridge covers most of the big issues that women struggle with when it comes to sex. Due to this, she does move quickly over some parts in her 257 page book, but she spends substantial time on the major areas. I benefited from how she breaks down several negative tapes that may play through our mind and various things that we let steal our confidence in the bedroom. She not only disproves the negative tapes, but will help you to record new, positive tapes. For example, it is easy to let the way I feel about my body on any given day rob me of feeling sexy and confident around Mitch, when in reality, it is my confidence that makes me sexy to him.
I also found the section “Overcoming the Church Lady Syndrome” invigorating! Sometimes within the church we so harshly taboo sex to keep teens from becoming sexually active that we forget to celebrate the beauty of it within marriage. Oftentimes, the negative mindsets about sex can follow us into our marriage beds. If that is something that you struggle with, Ethridge will help to demolish those hang-ups! She breaks through the walls that you may put up and highlights several confidence busters, as well as boosters.
Ethridge also attacks the unspoken issues within sexual relationships that many women need so desperately to deal with, such as the scars of past sexual abuse and past sexual encounters outside of marriage. While this was not something that specifically benefitted me, it opened my eyes to how many women are abused as children and how past sexual relationships can follow you into marriage. Ethridge works through these tender issues with expertise and personal understanding. She shares her own stories of sexual abuse that are eye-opening to those that have never fell victim and I would imagine, relatable to those who have. To any woman, whether you are married or not, who has abuse in her past, or a history of sexual relationships prior to marriage, I would highly recommend reading this book, especially her chapters “Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse” and “Cutting Soul Ties that Bind”. Ethridge works through those “ties that bind” by sharing her own story and her journey to overcoming the scars and the temptations that arise. She is honest about the things from one’s past that can lead to problems in the bedroom and temptations from other men while married. She spends a good amount of time in the book addressing these things since they are so widespread and damaging.
As with almost any sex book there is discussion over positions and techniques. This can be a fun part of the book to read with your spouse to glean ideas. In some ways, I wish she would have spent more time on these things. But, what she does include is beneficial and she stresses an overall tone of being creative and finding what is enjoyable and comfortable for you and your spouse, since everyone is different. She also talks a lot about the complicated female anatomy. It made me realize how little I actually know about how my own body’s functions. It was enlightening to learn these things for myself and also to think about how if I don’t understand my own body, why should I expect Mitch to “know all” right off the bat? This section may be something that you may want to go through with your spouse for mutual benefit.
Finally, Ethridge includes in her book a section called “passing the baton”. So often we enter marriage having never been educated on sex or even our own bodies by our mothers. Yet, as mothers or future mothers we want to equip, not handicap, our daughters as sexually confident women someday. It is evident that this passing on of sexual confidence is a passion of Shannon Ethridge and she has great ideas of how to teach our daughters.
I have only began to summarize all that she unfolds in her book. If you are wondering, “Does she talk about __________?” The answer is probably yes. She discusses female orgasms, how to tell if sex toys are ok, fantasying, setting healthy boundaries, etc. No one has “it all together” and as I talked about last week, there is always room for growth. So, whether you find your sexual relationship in need of help or not, this book will help invigorate you. For me, it boosted my creativity, helped me understand my own body better, and most importantly allowed me to feel more sexually confident (which is after all, the goal of the book)!
I would recommend this book to any woman who is married, regardless of whether you have been married for one month or 50 years. Ethridge acknowledges and addresses a tremendous variety of sex-related subjects. I would wager that there is something in the book that would strike a cord with you or help to improve your sexual relationship with your spouse. As I found, not all of the book may be applicable, but even if parts don’t apply to you, they may help you understand and help someone in the future. For those of you that are wondering, she is a Christian author and does spend time talking about the spiritual connection that is needed in marriage. That being said, she did market this book to be beneficial for all women, even if they are not Christian, so it does not have as much scripture and biblical ties as you will find in other books.
Ethridge covers most of the big issues that women struggle with when it comes to sex. Due to this, she does move quickly over some parts in her 257 page book, but she spends substantial time on the major areas. I benefited from how she breaks down several negative tapes that may play through our mind and various things that we let steal our confidence in the bedroom. She not only disproves the negative tapes, but will help you to record new, positive tapes. For example, it is easy to let the way I feel about my body on any given day rob me of feeling sexy and confident around Mitch, when in reality, it is my confidence that makes me sexy to him.
I also found the section “Overcoming the Church Lady Syndrome” invigorating! Sometimes within the church we so harshly taboo sex to keep teens from becoming sexually active that we forget to celebrate the beauty of it within marriage. Oftentimes, the negative mindsets about sex can follow us into our marriage beds. If that is something that you struggle with, Ethridge will help to demolish those hang-ups! She breaks through the walls that you may put up and highlights several confidence busters, as well as boosters.
Ethridge also attacks the unspoken issues within sexual relationships that many women need so desperately to deal with, such as the scars of past sexual abuse and past sexual encounters outside of marriage. While this was not something that specifically benefitted me, it opened my eyes to how many women are abused as children and how past sexual relationships can follow you into marriage. Ethridge works through these tender issues with expertise and personal understanding. She shares her own stories of sexual abuse that are eye-opening to those that have never fell victim and I would imagine, relatable to those who have. To any woman, whether you are married or not, who has abuse in her past, or a history of sexual relationships prior to marriage, I would highly recommend reading this book, especially her chapters “Healing the Scars of Sexual Abuse” and “Cutting Soul Ties that Bind”. Ethridge works through those “ties that bind” by sharing her own story and her journey to overcoming the scars and the temptations that arise. She is honest about the things from one’s past that can lead to problems in the bedroom and temptations from other men while married. She spends a good amount of time in the book addressing these things since they are so widespread and damaging.
As with almost any sex book there is discussion over positions and techniques. This can be a fun part of the book to read with your spouse to glean ideas. In some ways, I wish she would have spent more time on these things. But, what she does include is beneficial and she stresses an overall tone of being creative and finding what is enjoyable and comfortable for you and your spouse, since everyone is different. She also talks a lot about the complicated female anatomy. It made me realize how little I actually know about how my own body’s functions. It was enlightening to learn these things for myself and also to think about how if I don’t understand my own body, why should I expect Mitch to “know all” right off the bat? This section may be something that you may want to go through with your spouse for mutual benefit.
Finally, Ethridge includes in her book a section called “passing the baton”. So often we enter marriage having never been educated on sex or even our own bodies by our mothers. Yet, as mothers or future mothers we want to equip, not handicap, our daughters as sexually confident women someday. It is evident that this passing on of sexual confidence is a passion of Shannon Ethridge and she has great ideas of how to teach our daughters.
I have only began to summarize all that she unfolds in her book. If you are wondering, “Does she talk about __________?” The answer is probably yes. She discusses female orgasms, how to tell if sex toys are ok, fantasying, setting healthy boundaries, etc. No one has “it all together” and as I talked about last week, there is always room for growth. So, whether you find your sexual relationship in need of help or not, this book will help invigorate you. For me, it boosted my creativity, helped me understand my own body better, and most importantly allowed me to feel more sexually confident (which is after all, the goal of the book)!