A couple days ago I read a blog post by a friend on her heavenlyhomemakers.com site that I have not been able to stop thinking about, in a good way! I typically consider myself an optimist; however, I struggle with discouragement. Lately, there have been many days where I have stopped and wondered about God's purpose for my life, my calling. On and off again I wrestle with questions like, "Do I have a specific calling that I need to pursue or is life more about serving and loving God where I am and in all that I do?" Moreover, even when I was in high school, I felt the conundrum of 'Do I want to be primarily a wife and a mother or have an important career? Is it possible to do both?'

If I am honest, when I dreamed about my life I thought mostly about relationships: having a strong marriage, having close friendships, and having children that I raise to love the Lord. The home was central in my dreams, both physically and figuratively. Careers were always secondary. That said, in one form or another I always wanted to write. Since I was six years old I  loved reading and writing and dreamed of all the possibilities of being an author or poet. Unfortunately, reality likes to remind me that those are fine goals and hobbies and someday I may even be published, but they do not equate to a career.

But back to this blog I read: http://heavenlyhomemakers.com/dreams-reality-and-working-hard-no-matter-what

I want to say thank you to Laura because it really put my life and dreams in perspective and I hope it will do the same for you!

I learned that God has given me so many of my dreams, and I am only 23!

1. I am married to an incredible man! Mitch brings so much joy into my life daily. I don't want to even imagine life without him.

2. God has blessed me with close friendships in all stages. I have old friends back in Nebraska that I have known for years. I have a friend that has known me forever that I am still close with even though she is in North Carolina now. I have sisters from college that even though we are spread out, we are still close. I have new friendships that I am forming here in Arizona at church and work and other places. God is also teaching me more about how to be a good friend to others.

3. I have a wonderful apartment home that I love. I get to bake, sew, clean, and all those wonderful domestic things. Mitch and I even adopted our first dog, Hazel, a few weeks ago. She is such a sweet girl! (Pictures to come!)

4. I get to work alongside my husband in his ministry--something I have dreamed of for years. It is so rewarding and God has blessed us abundantly.

5. It may not be a career yet, but I do get to write! I get to write every week for this blog! I also am being encouraged by life and by a friend back in York to keep writing creatively. Recently, I looked into freelance writing. I came across an interesting site write.com that hires writers to do random articles and such for different website. It pays pretty well. I passed the test and have been cleared to start. I am currently working on setting up the payment part. I am not sure how this will go yet--but it may just be another answered prayer and dream.

When I sit down and think about all of these things, my disappoint evaporates. I would also like to echo one more thing from Laura's blog. She wrote "God’s reality is much better than any of my dreams – even the dreams that have 'come true'". I could not agree more! Even if something terrible happened and I lost all that I cherish--God would still be good and what he has done for me enough.

Check out Laura's blog and site and remember to count your blessings this week!
-Nathana

Questions:
1. What are your dreams?
2. How has God helped to give you your dreams?

Coming soon to the Northwest Church of Christ (hopefully, it is still in the works) and many churches near you is the "Art of Marriage" video conference. You have heard us praise Family Life Today before in our blogs. We are big fans of their mission and materials. If I remember right, we have even talked about the "Art of Marriage" seminar we went to while in York, Neb., at the East Hill Church of Christ. It is powerful, affordable, and accessible. Family Life Today has done seminars like the Weekend to Remember and others that are great, but cost a lot more and are only in select locations. The "Art of Marriage" is a DVD series with workbooks that any church can buy and host. It was an amazing encouragement and support to our marriage. Anyhow, I will stop doing all talking and let you watch the trailer!
****By the way, if you are from Northwest, it is still in the planning and prep stages, but keep your ears open for more details and dates to follow!

    Tonight’s blog post is going to be short and simple. Just a little bit of a reflection.

    If you haven’t noticed by now, once in an ever great while, you and your spouse will want and need different things. This probably doesn’t happen too often: Just several nights a week! I would like to offer my two cents about what we do when this happens.

    My first piece of advice is to sacrifice of your self. When you have the ability to, put the needs of your spouse above your own. This should be a pretty standard, but you would be surprised at how often this issue creates monster fights in the home. My question for you would be, what is more important. Is getting your way really worth the upset and hurt feelings? Is it worth the pain? When it really isn’t that big of a deal, I would advise that the spouse that sacrifices is also the spouse that wins in the end.

    Secondly, and my main point tonight: Do your own thing together. When it is possible and appropriate, take the chance to do separate things in the same atmosphere. This may not always be a viable option, but when it is, I encourage you to take it. Here’s what it looks like in our home: Nathana will sit and read while I play video games. I will play my guitar as Nathana crochets. She does something she wants and enjoys doing. I do something that I enjoy and want to do. We both get what we want. We may not be doing the same thing. We may not even be interacting. But having your spouse in the same room with you helps you remember that you both are getting what you need. In turn, you are also reminded that you are what is giving your spouse that possibility. This is a classic “Win-Win” option.

Just some food for thought for your Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend.

May the Lord bless you and keep you,

- Mitch

Earlier this week I was listening to AirOne radio and the host Brandt Hanson was talking about marriage. He said he didn't understand couples that wrote marriage advice books because it was conceited to pretend they have it all together. Marriage is hard and no one has it all together.

I agree!

I know we have a marriage blog, but I want to reiterate why we do. Mitch and I are so not perfect! We do not have all the answers. We are not immune to struggles in marriage. No one is.

Here are some reasons why we started the blog:

1. We started this blog first of all to challenge Mitch and I to continue to grow in our marriage. If we are reading, talking, and reflecting on how to strengthen our marriage, how can that be a bad thing!

2. If we are learning and growing, why not share what we discover along the way? You never know when it might be what someone else needs to hear.

3. We want a forum where we can receive feedback from others. We want you, our readers, to share your successes and advice as well!

4. We believe marriage is worth the work! We want to encourage others.

In closing, there is a quick tangent I would like to take. Brandt Hansen also mentioned that he took an in-depth marriage survey with his wife and they scored higher than anyone else in one particular area: attraction to one another. He attributed this to the fact that every night (except when they already had something going on) they would put the kids to bed around 7 or 8 and spend the evening together, watching a show they liked, etc. They made it a priority to spend every evening together. He thought that was what kept their attraction strong. At first, I was like "Really?" But then I thought about it, it made sense. Not trying to brag, but it reminded me of Mitch and I. Maybe it is silly, but evenings together are so special and important, even if the activities we do are as simple as watching TV.


Questions:
What do you think? What keeps you attracted to your spouse?

*** Also, check out this link! It is kind of interesting and funny.
http://www.themomoftheyear.net/2012/05/healthy-tv-viewing.html#.UPYV7IXKmYI

Hello everyone. It’s good to get back to you. It’s been awhile since I’ve made an appearance. My wife has been keeping this going for the past several posts because I’ve been much more busy than normal. So a big thank you to her. Hopefully you aren’t too disappointed about it being my turn to post!

I just got back from a week long conference dedicated to the training, growth, and continued education of youth ministers.

I feel so privileged and honored that I got to attend and absorb all that was offered. It fed me mentally and spiritually to be surrounded by other men and women that have dedicated their lives to young people. The only drawback was the fact that my wife couldn’t attend with me. I missed her terribly, but what I gained was a pretty decent tradeoff.

But this got me thinking. Not everyone gets to continue their education, especially by going to conferences. Continuing to learn and grow is a process that takes time and effort. Not everyone has the opportunity to dedicate the time and energy to continue education professionally. But I would like to challenge you with something...

When was the last time that you were a student of your spouse? How often would you say that you dedicate time and effort to being a better partner? How long ago has it been since you last asked Jesus to guide your actions and your heart within your relationship with your husband/wife?

I don’t mean the tone of this post to be accusatory. In fact, I write these words with fear and shame. I can be the worst at these things as well. I’m talking to myself more than anyone else...

This doesn’t change the fact that often times we forget to be committed to continuing education in our marriages. It’s easy to sit on the couch with remote in hand. It’s comfortable to keep conversations on the surface level. It’s not challenging to stay where you are emotionally, physically, and spiritually with your spouse.

Tonight, I challenge you to be dedicated to the craft of marriage. Devote yourself to continue to learn about your life mate. Commit yourself to reading marriage books, attending retreats, taking long walks, and investing in personal time with your husband/wife. Faithfully pray together. Passionately embrace each other.

                                    Remember, if you stop learning, you stop living.

May the Lord bless you and keep you

- Mitch

Questions -
What are some ways that you and your spouse continue to learn with one another?

When our sister-in-law, Tressa, returned from her 11 month, 11 country mission trip through the world race she brought us back a hand-made poster from Africa. It is titled "A Successful Marriage" and has a list, complete with Bible verses, to outline what creates a happy marriage. As I was thinking about what to write, I thought, I should share this! It hits on so many of the things that we have talked about and has great biblical connections! So here it is!

1. Treat Marriage as Sacred.
Matthew 19:4-6
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

2. Speak Respectfully.
Proverbs 12:18
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

3. Practice Kindness and Compassion.
Ephesians 4:32
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

4. Don't Hastily Take Offence.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
    for anger resides in the lap of fools.

5. Know When to Keep Quiet.
James 1:19
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

6. Show Humility.
Philippians 2:3
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

7. Listen with Empathy.
Romans 12:15
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

8. Make it a Habit of Expressing Appreciation.
Colossians 3:15
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

9. Be Quick to Forgive.
Ephesians 4:26
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

10. Stay Committed to Your Mate.
Matthew 19:6
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

11. Self-sacrifice Reinforces Commitment.
Philippians 2:4
4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

12. But Most Important, Love One Another Deeply from the Heart.
1 Peter 1:22
22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

For some people the holiday season manifests itself like a Hallmark movie with warm fireside scenes. For others, it has sparks of a different nature. The holidays hit on many areas of life that can create friction: money, family, travel, and busy schedules. Those things, unfortunately, rob us of family time, date nights, and time for communication. Though they are my favorite time of year, the holidays can pile many burdens on us. They can also leave us with bitter feelings toward our spouse. 

How can you let bygones be bygones and welcome the new year without hurt feelings and exhaustion?

1. Group A: If you fall into this group, a quiet date night may do the trick. Not a fun-filled but tiring outing, but a nice dinner out with no dishes, a relaxing movie, or better yet a latte and some much needed one-on-one time. Reconnect. Catch up on each other’s lives. Relax.

2. Group B: For many, recovering from the holidays may require more than talking over candlelight or coffee. Sometimes a peace offering may be needed. In the height of holiday shopping, spending, decorating, and family events, words can be exchanged that cut deep. If this happened to you, or if you let the words slip (or if both of you did) than you need the anecdote of forgiveness. Sometimes there is nothing sweeter! Forgive your spouse if they injured you with their hasty words. Remember that the holidays can bring out the Scrooge in us at times. If you hurt your spouse by your comments or attitude, seek their forgiveness. Confess and ask them to forgive you. Healing is a beautiful way to start out the new year! After you have forgiven one another, enjoy a nice date night! :)

*What do you think is the most stressful part of the holidays? Does it affect your relationship with your spouse?
**How do you like to reconnect after the holidays?

So, this blog was originally destined for December 18th--our two year anniversary. However, between the site acting up and a week with little to no internet connection as we traveled for Christmas it is quite delayed. It is not my usual style of blog. I wanted to try a more poetic approach as I thought back over the journey we have been venturing on since October 2007.


Year 1
The legend.
The wolverine hair with red tints
That inspired a whole facebook album.
Argyle sweater vests.
The boy who knew all of the unknown bands
And the girl that loved Bright Eyes and Thursday
And startled with her strange John Neihardt obsession.
Dancing in the streets to the tunes of marching bands.
First date at Java Hut interrupted.
Conversations under the Arboretum's shade.  
Green blanket a shelter from the harsh wind--
First kiss on the train bridge.
Meeting the family.
Mono.


Year 2
Long summer.
Frustrating cell phone signals.
Happy Fall.
Long walks.
Library dates with Leo’s coffee and treats.
Starring at the stars.
Date days in Lincoln to catch a film
Or a concert.
Wandering downtown on Saturdays to find the one coffee shop among the bars.
Then trying to find which parking garage we put our car in.
Summer decision time:
Does this duet plunge into the depths of minor notes
To find the richness of relationship that pain enhances?
Or should the song continue a sad solo?
The duet takes the dive.

Year 3
New growth.
Pruning and watering.
Seeing each other for the first time after a long summer
In the midst of inflatable bouncy houses and corn on the cob.
Prayer Chapel visits,
The moon glowing through the silver and blue-paned windows.
Drives to Walmart through the corn field.
New responsibilities pulling us to new heights.
Hopes and dreams shared, negotiated, set in motion.
A decision to permanently unite the future.
Coffee shop dates in the early mornings.
Concert on the steps of YC.
Dave Matthews in KC.
Skyping from China.

Year 4
Engangement
Discussions with Dr. Wheeler.
Money, Sex, and all ingredients to a healthy marriage.
Mom talks:
Aisle runners, candlesticks, and menus.
Finally the moment when I took his breath away as I walked down the aisle.
The awkward first dance.
The marriage commences.
Snowy white night in a bungalow in Lincoln.
Around the World at Epcott.
Over-priced Disney pizza in our hotel room.
White knuckles of fear and excitement on the Tower of Terror.
Home to our downtown bungalow in York.
Filled with Christmas lights and joy.
Cuddling on the couch.
Classes, work, life--
But always each other.
Always joy.

Year 5
Silly nights.
Long work days.
Walks around downtown.
Destination anywhere.
But often Grand Central and a bottle of Jones to share.
Or a wifi signal at Lili’s as we refill cups of coffee
And inhale cinnamon rolls.
Pounds of coffee.
The lingering scent of espresso.
Early mornings.
Snowy mornings with the street lights reflecting off the snow and ice.
Cozy, close, covered,
On the couch we hide together.
Applications, interviews, tryouts.
Future so long a mystery,
Now revealed.
U-haul across the country.
Across hills, barren Texas with its strange beauty.
Into the mountains and pines of Flagstaff.
Descent into the valley,
Broken air conditioner, foot riding the breaks.
Heat climbs.
Arrival.
Transition.
But strength from one another
On the days we gaze at the world outstretched before us
In beauty and potential
In struggling knots of humanity.
We remain.
Strong.
Loving.
United. 

-Nathana

Happy 2013 everybody! I hope and pray that your holiday season has been peaceful and warm.

    So, what are your plans for this new year? Will you do anything different? Will you make drastic changes? Or this year are you more convicted to continue on good decisions that you’ve made in years past?
    Let me be honest, I’m really not big on resolutions. Most people see some things that they would like to change about themselves and so they resolve to be transformed. There is nothing wrong with this situation. In fact, I encourage anything that can be a positive force in your life. So why am I against them? Anyone can make a goal or renew a dedication. But when you want to make real change, it takes more than just your word. It takes a vow.
    Think about your wedding day. Think about the excitement of seeing your spouse stand at the alter or walk down the aisle. Remember the words that you said? The promises you made? The vows you took? Of course you do! So, now think about the difference between those resolutions that you’ve made in the past compared to the vows you took on your wedding day. What’s the difference?

                                                         Your heart.

    You were (and hopefully still are) in love. You were smitten with the love of your life. You were excited about the future you would forge together. You had those sticky and sweet feelings that make your heart swell. You made your vows with your heart.
    Now compare this experience with some of the resolutions that you may have made for this coming year. Chances are, you have made them because you are unhappy about your health, financial standings, spiritual life, or anything else for that matter. And that’s ok. But when you try compare how you felt about your wedding vows to how you feel about resolutions, you may find that the fallout insurmountable.
    So, when thinking about the resolutions that you’ve made, you may want to address your heart. When you start your new diets and savings plans, make sure that you are (or plan to be) in love with your new plans.
    Good luck! We are praying for you!

- Mitch Clay