Money is one of the biggest causes of divorce and conflict within marriage. It is also an area that Mitch and I knew would take some... practice. We knew this even when we were dating.

According to the financial guru Dave Ramsey, Mitch is a free spirit and I am a nerd when it comes to our finances.

This does not mean that Mitch doesn’t care. In fact, he cares a lot. The difference is attention span and interest level. Mitch cares because he wants us to be financially secure.

Quick tangent - Mitch is so sexy when he gets excited about getting out of debt and our financial future! I admire how he is leading us in such a positive direction.

Mitch has about a 20-minute window of focus for money matters. I, on the other hand, can crunch numbers and talk for hours about financial plans. When we first completed the “Relating with Money” session of Dave Ramsey’s financial peace university where he talks about nerds and free spirits, we laughed a lot because we felt like he had spied in on our budgeting sessions. I was blushing the whole time, embarrassed by my nerd-hood. (Yes, I did make that word up...)

Even though we started out feeling good and laughing a lot, this journey toward financial peace has been hard. Many times, we find ourselves crying and facing down tough decisions. We decided not to buy a house this year. Our budget is tight since we are scrapping up money for dental bills and paying off the car. Nevertheless, we do have some exciting news:

WE PAID OFF OUR STUDENT LOANS!

How much did Mitch still have in student loans? $19,994.00. Normally, we would not have been able to do this so fast. It would have taken a couple years, except my grandma blessed us years ago with some inheritance in a couple of different ways. Not a lot, but enough to get us a solid start. I added money to it in college and we let the compounding interest do its thing. As a result, we used a good chunk of that to pay off the student loans.

What is our next step?

1. Pay off the car.

2. Build our 3-6 month emergency fund.

3. Begin saving for a down payment on a house.

4. Investing.

We will never be rich, but we can be secure. God is good and we are striving to live in a way that blesses His kingdom through our giving and stewardship of money.

Challenge:

Take a serious look at your financial situation with your spouse. Pray and seek guidance in your finances. Don’t let Satan turn you against each other over money. You are on the same team.

If you find that you are not where you would like to be, check out the Financial Peace University. You will not regret it!

Dear Readers, those of you that are consistent, I am so sorry for my flakiness on posting blog. I thought about blaming it on our crazy past couple months, but excuses are just excuses right? I am not going to make any promise to you that I cannot keep, but I am resolved to continue our conversation on marriage—what can we do to make our marriages stronger and more Christ-centered.

Weddings, root canals, and debt—what in the world could these three things have in common? Well, for one thing, both weddings and root canals can put you in debt. Speaking personally, they summarize our past couple days.

This past Saturday, Mitch had the honor of being a groomsman for some friends of ours. The wedding was beautiful in its simplicity and focus on the couple’s journey and love. We had a blast at the reception. It was fun to see the newly married couple break some dance moves to “Oppa Gangnam Style”. Every couple needs to be able to let loose and shake some tail feathers right? Sadly, not all occasions are so joyous.

Enter root canals . . . I have never had one, thank goodness, but Mitch has not been so fortunate. In fact, he has had two . . . on the same tooth. He had a root canal completed a little over a year ago before we moved. The dentist that did it was, well, old, and very shaky. I could hear Mitch moaning from the waiting room. Long story short, that dentist retired a couple months later and Mitch found out that the root canal was infected after he swelled up like he had an egg in his cheek and came down with a fever on two different occasions. It was frustrating having to pay $850 to have a root canal redone. Yet, we realized that through this experience that God is good and he will provide.

Even though we know that God provides and we are incredibly blessed, we know the Bible tells us to be good stewards of our resources. Managing our money well has always been very important to Mitch and I. Nonetheless, we did walk out of college with some student. We have diligently chipped away on them each month; still, we felt complacency and a lack of purpose seeping into our budget and resolve. But after buying a car and now in the market to buy a house, God woke us up. We were encouraged to really attack our remaining debt through some wise friends and trustworthy advisors. At first it seemed risky, but the more we looked into it we realized we could do it. It won’t always be easy and it will mean turning down some opportunities that are out of our price range. However, we believe the freedom and security it will bring us is worth it. (Please, keep us in your prayers as we seek to be more intentional.)

So, is there a moral to these seemingly unrelated subjects? Why, yes, there is! I believe we are made in God’s image and called to glorify God in all areas of our lives: our marriages, our money, and our challenges, yes even root canals.

Question:

1.       What are some challenges that you have been able to glorify God through?

One thing that I truly love about being in Christ is the community that comes with it. Honestly, you could join a lot of clubs in life, dedicated to any number of things: books, health, public speaking, playing games, socializing, dating, even fandom. In each of these social networks/clubs, you will find people that you enjoy being around. But I have a hard time thinking about any kind of organization that will come with a community that is involved in your personal life as the body of Christ. Once you decide that you are all in with Jesus (and even before that point) you are automatically injected into a body of supporters, cheerleaders, friends, and family. You are blood related. 

You are adopted as one of their own.

We see this idea explained by Paul while talking about Fighting against sinful nature in Romans 8:12-16, “Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.”

It’s a beautiful relationship. God loves on you so that you can love on others. He gives you the ability to reach out and affect lives for Him. Unfortunately though, there is something that gets in the way; something that holds us back. Intentional or not, there will always be a wall to climb over. So what is this mysterious force that sabotages us from the start?

Ourselves

We con ourselves into believing that we have very little worth from the start. There is now way that when someone asks how we are doing, they actually care about the response. People never care that much. They don’t really expect honesty.  We tell ourselves that it’s a pleasantry. It doesn't matter, anyway. Why tell the truth? So we default to our standard response, “Fine.”

Fine is the perfect response of you want to keep someone at an arm’s length. You aren't admitting to personal failure or a broken spirit. It doesn't give a window into your doubts, fears, or wrongs. And yet, at the very same time, it doesn't show your personal victories or on-goings in your world. It doesn't warrant celebration or congratulatory obligations.

Fine is average. Fine is passing. Fine is C+. Fine works just fine.

Which makes it every Christian’ favorite four letter ‘f-word.’

And really, that really is (dare I say it…) fine. It’s your choice. Some would just rather stay at an arm’s length. There really are those who use the, “Hey! How are ya?” as a pleasantry and noting deeper.  But what if they weren't? What if, by all impossible standards, they really do want to know about you, how you are, and how they can be praying for you? What then? You have just shut out a beautiful and tangible way to allow someone into your world.

Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.” Isn't that what we want? Friendship? A friend that will share our lives with our hopes and struggles attached? Isn't this also what is offered more often than not within the Lord’s church?

So, next time someone that you trust asks you how you are and you have some time to give, answer honestly. Open yourself to the possibility that someone actually cares. 

Don’t answer with, “Oh, F***!”

The story of Martha in the New Testament was one of those Bible stories that was covered and recovered in children’s classes. I think it was popular because the moral was always the same—get your priorities right and take time for God. Since I was young, I have pitied Martha for getting it wrong. I understood her perspective--she was a hostess and wanted to serve. To my joy, last week we covered this story in an adult class and I discovered that I was not the only “Martha sympathizer”. The teacher even went as far as to praise Martha’s actions and propose the thought that Jesus was not trying to dishonor her service, but rather make the point that in that moment, Mary had chosen the better option.  

Laying aside the busyness and demands of the day to sit at Jesus’ feet and soak in his presence and teaching.

That was what Mary chose and what Martha gave up. Not being able to see what was most important and really worth her time was Martha’s shortcoming. It is also mine most days.

After a busy week I found myself stressed as I looked around the apartment at all of the chores that needed done: cleaning the bathroom, laundry, mopping, grocery shopping, oh, and more laundry! I had just returned home from a going away party for a coworker, which I got desperately lost trying to find (I drove around for over an hour before I found it), and I had three hours before I needed to be somewhere else. Mitch also had those three hours open before he had to fly off in a different direction. In my accumulated frustrated with our laundry heap, I completely missed his signals to steal a couple hours reconnecting. As we were preparing to conquer yet another fun, but busy evening, he expressed that he had hoped we could have spent the afternoon together since this week we had not been able to allocate much “us” time.

In that moment, I felt much like what Martha must have felt like when Jesus replied to her stressed pleadings. I was overwhelmed by the demands of the day so much so that I let something infinitely valuable slip through my grasp. If I could, I would go back and take that chance to connect with Mitch; just as I suppose Martha would go back and take that chance to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn. This week I pray that I learn from my mistakes.

Questions for thought:

1.      What are you overlooking due to busyness that may be more worthy of your time?
2.      Do you relate to Martha? If so, how?

This week at church, one of our elders made the comment that "no living breathing organism, like the church, can exist on a plateau for long if at all." Essentially, they are either getting stronger or  weaker.  The wisdom and applicability of his comment struck me: this is not just true for churches.  

I found myself thinking, 'What about my marriage?'

Mitch and I have passed the infamous "two year mark" that so many marriage books highlight. Apparently, after two years of marriage, the newlywed stage has passed and the real struggles emerge. Knowing this, I thought long and hard about our marriage and whether it was growing stronger or quietly weaker.

As I turned this thought over in my head I came to recognize how easy it was to buy into the "plateau misconception." So often we confuse complacency and our comfort level as a plateau in our marriages. We assume everything is fine and we will just keep on like this with no problems. When, in reality, complacency is robbing us from the inside out. Just as there are things such as caffeine that pull calcium out of our bones making them weaker without us even realizing it, so it is with complacency in our marriages. 

So where is your marriage? Are you as a couple, as two becoming one being, growing stronger or weaker?
 

For some people Valentine’s Day is just another marketing scheme created by the masterminds at Hallmark to rake in millions. For others it is an occasion that they go all out to celebrate with special reservations at high-end restaurants and flowers, chocolate, and jewelry. However, I would guess that for most people it falls somewhere in between. Many people get chocolate or go out to eat, but it is not a huge affair that they drop hundreds on to celebrate.

Mitch and I have always celebrated, though it has varied in extreme from year to year. We have mixed feelings about the holiday. On one hand, it is a great excuse to celebrate our love, go out on a date and do something special. This next weekend we are going up to stay the night in Flagstaff and then go see the Grand Canyon. We have wanted to do this since we moved to Arizona. So we decided to do it the Friday and Saturday after Valentine’s Day. It gave us a great reason to splurge a little. Yet, we are both big believers in expressing love all of the time, not just one day a year. He buys me flowers almost once a month. He doesn’t need Saint Valentine to remind him to do that! I pity the woman who only gets flowers on Valentine’s Day and the man who only gets sex that one day a year! I don’t want to imagine an existence like that!

So, how should we treat this upcoming day? I would propose doing what serves your conscience best; but, do not forget to show your spouse love and special treatment throughout the rest of the year. If we only express love and gratefulness on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day, we will be in a feast or famine cycle of love. I hope (and doubt) that this is any of you, but if it is—get creative the rest of the 364 days of the year!

Here are some pictures and memories from our past celebrations (We will also post pictures from the Grand Canyon trip soon too!):

More pictures to come when we can get them. . . Mitch's computer crashed and died and we have been struggling to get computer problems worked out. . . Please be patient with us!

Questions:
1. How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?
2. How do you celebrate your love throughout the year?