Firstly, I would like to apologize about the quality of our blogs over the past couple of weeks. We have had family in town (which has been SUPER CRAZY GREAT!) But along with that, we have been very distracted and low on extra energy and focus. I hope and pray that you can forgive us. I still wanted to post something uplifting and positive. So... tonight I'm just going to post a couple of my favorite YouTube videos. Enjoy!

I hope that your week has been a blessing. Let us know in the comments if there is anything we can be praying about for you or your family!

-Mitch

For those of you that are wondering, we are still going to post the answers to the surveys and begin sharing all of that very soon. We have gotten some incredible responses, but we are still waiting on a couple more people. Mitch was also thinking about posting it on Facebook. (So if you are Facebook friends with us, watch for that!) Nonetheless, I thought it would be a lot of fun to post some questions here for you to think about, and hopefully respond to! (Mitch and I will share our answers, but in the comments' section.)

Questions:
1. What first attracted you to your spouse?

2. What was your favorite date that you have ever gone on with them?

3. What is something that you hope to do together in the future. (This can be a place you want to go to, or a goal you share).

4. How have you seen God work in your marriage?

5. If you could take a second honeymoon, where would you go and why?

Humanity fell victim to sin, which separated us from God. Because of this, we do things that we know are wrong. We say and do hurtful things. As we have discussed before, our marriages are no exception to the rule. It should be our goal not to hurt our spouse; nonetheless, it still happens. Blaming our humanity may be a tempting excuse. However, when a spiritual sin is in our life, extermination is a much better route. I believe that there is common root to almost all sins: Pride. When we examine our motivations when we sin, pride is usually involved.

C.S. Lewis says it best when he says

“According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride… it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”

“As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

“For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”

When I look back on times that I have said or done very selfish things that have hurt Mitch, or times that I have felt distant from God, I find a common culprit: My pride. It binds me and entangles me in unhealthy cycles. Many times, I have felt the Holy Spirit calling me to prayer or repentance, but my pride holds me back and refuses to let my knees bow.


                                            What can be done?


First of all, remember that each day is a new day and each moment a new moment. We can’t let our pride enslave us and keep us where we don’t want to be. In respect to our spouses, remember the words of Paul in Philippians 2.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit (Pride), but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross. (Verses 3-8)

Humility isn’t easy; rather, it is a tough calling. It takes practice and a heart that is controlled by Christ and His love. That takes relationship and humbleness toward your God first and foremost. When we are right with our Creator and let the Holy Spirit infiltrate us, we find humbleness a much more natural state because we are controlled less by our flesh and more by our spirit.

- Nathana

Questions:

1. How do you define pride?

2. What is the difference between pride and self-esteem?

From time to time I like to look up quotes on different subjects. Numerous times I have looked up love and almost every time become depressed by my findings. Unless it is a quote from a romance novel, most quotes about love are pessimistic and full of sarcasm or heartache. For fun I ran a search on marriage quotes. Many of them were sarcastic and negative, but I did find some from which I gleaned encouragement or at least a good laugh.

So, today, enjoy some encouragement from various writers on the subject of marriage.

“There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.”
― Robert Frost

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
― Agatha Christie

“The only way love can last a lifetime is if it's unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.”
― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare
*Quick note, this is on our list to read and review!

“Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time that they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the rough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.”
― Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare
*This quote reminded me of Mitch. I am so thankful and blessed by his patience and the grace that he extends to me!

Question:
1. Are there any other quotes on marriage that you really like or that have encouraged you?

        Today is September 11, 2012. Eleven years ago, America was his with an event that shook us to the core. It redefined what it meant to be safe within our own boarders. It changed airline safety checks and transportation in general forever. We created shiny new organizations and doubled down on protection of our nation and people. The United States of America had been attacked and we became quite sure that this would never happen again, for the soul reason that we would never allow it to. And up to today, we have been generally successful (as far as I know…)                               There is nothing wrong with this thought process in the large scale. In fact, as far as the nation goes, I’m really glad that we have taken the steps that we have. But, the process of putting up extra walls and protective barriers when dealing with relationships is not always healthy, nor effective. The heart needs to breath. If love is to work and grow, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to each other. Yes, this may mean that we may get hurt from time to time. Yes, we are putting our heart on the line. And yes, it will be scary, awkward, and difficult. Nevertheless, with all of these things stated, love can only work if it has room to flex. If we put up barriers and boarders between the ones we love the most and ourselves, how can we love each other effectively?
        I know that this is so much easier to say than to do. That is a given. To be truly honest and vulnerable with others is one of the scariest things ever. You are putting all of the power in the other person’s hands. They can do whatever they want with the information you give them. They could reject it and stomp on your heart. This scenario is terrifying - But it is also the worst-case outcome. Remember that your spouse has your best interests at heart. They want you to be truthful. They long for your honesty. The best-case scenario is that they hear what you have to say, keep it safe, and accept you for who you are.
        When we put ourselves on the line and our spouse doesn’t respond well, we are often tempted to put up walls around our heart. It’s natural. “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame one me.” But that’s not exactly Biblical. In fact, Jesus tells us in Matt 5:38-9, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Our spouses are not evil, but they are human. And even though it may feel safer to put up barriers so we aren’t hurt again, it really hurts us in the process. Keeping parameters around your heart means that you aren’t sharing it. When you don’t share of yourself you slowly turn into separate entities instead of the “one flesh” that we are aiming for (found in Gen 2:24.)
        In closing, I want to make sure that I state that eleven years ago our nation went through something terrible. I do not mean to make light of this matter in any way. I just thought of this analogy as a way to express being truthful. I hope and pray that you have been lifted, rather than burdened by this message tonight. Remember that honesty is difficult, but it is so very worth it.  Know that we love you guys and if there is anything we can be praying for please let us know!

- Mitch

    September 13th (next Thursday) is my birthday. Needless to say, I am excited. Birthdays were always exciting in our family when I was growing up. We typically had some form of celebration and you kind of felt like a king. You were given special treatment. Being the birthday boy had perks to say the least: gifts, cake, praises, ice cream, kind words, candy, choice of T.V. programing for the night, and of course choosing a special meal for yourself. But no matter what September 14th always came with a harsh reality - you are not the only person on Earth. Life moves on. Not everything is your choice anymore. The reign under your kingship is very short lived...
    Because of the simple fact that I am not getting any younger, this year I want to dedicate myself to something different. Something more. Something worthy. With this in mind, I have crafted 25 various goals that I have for this 25th year of life. Some of them will be easily accomplished, others will be very difficult. Some of them are silly and fun, some of them are serious and challenging. All of them have reasons attached to them. Most are self improvement, but some are a little more broad. Anyway, here is what I’ve come up with...



Learn to change the oil on a car for myself (I hate to pay for this!)

Read (at least) one book in each of the following categories: Fiction, Science Fiction, Young Adult, Biography, Graphic Novel, Non-Fiction, Self Improvement, Christian living, Christian Theology, and Youth Ministry

Turn “2Becoming1” into it’s own website and create more outreach

Learn how to make something with my own hands

Record a new (at least) seven song album, and post it to iTunes

Play a concert somewhere

Create a homeless outreach event for our youth group

Attend a midnight opening for a movie

Attend a concert of a band I’ve always wanted to see

Visit the Grand Canyon

Ride my bike to work (at least) twice.

Host a boys only sleep over (not lock-in. Sleep over)

Try my hand at grilling ribs and brisket

Play and beat (at least) 10 video games

Go camping in Sedona

Create an area-wide event dedicated to relationships and marriage at our church

Beat my father in a game of Chess

Buy my wife a bouquet of flowers once a month

Study a book of the Bible that I haven’t in the past

Go hiking on a mountain in the valley

Go to NCYM (National Conference on Youth Ministry)

Beat one of my teens at Halo

Watch a Husker game with the Stagg family

Start writing a book

Go to another professional sports game



    So this is (and more) is what I'll be working towards this year of my life. I just wanted to share this with you because you can help keep me accountable to it. I will keep you updated on this list. So what are you working on this year?

- Mitch

What do people see when they look at your marriage?

Bitterness?

        Hostility?

                Apathy?

                    Boredom?

What about. . .

Love?

        Friendship?

                    Christ?

Today, I was thinking back to when Mitch and I started this blog. On our welcome page we quoted the idea from "The Art of Marriage" that one of the purposes of a Christian marriage is to reflect the glory of God. It hit me that we really needed to revisit this idea! So I ask, what do people see in your marriage?

*Below is a video that I came across on facebook/youtube. I think he explains this idea much better than I ever could!

            Romance.

    Every couple needs a little bit everyone and awhile. Some couples need it more than others. But never the less, romance in your relationship is what separates a marriage relationship from a friendship or roommate situation. Today I would like to share just a couple of the things that keep our relationship fresh, exciting, and fun. These ideas may not work for you. Each relationship is different. Pulling from past thoughts, there are different love languages. If you are speaking a love language that your spouse doesn’t understand, than your attempts may be unsuccessful. The things that I do for Nathana may bore your wife. The special things Nathana does for me may not interest your husband. With that said, maybe some of this will spark some great ideas that you can use in your relationship!

    Nathana is service-oriented. The way she feels love the most is when I am doing things around the house or specific chores that she hates. She feels romanced and loved when I take the trash out, put the dishes away, and vacuum. So some of the ways that I do my best to spark some warm fuzzy feelings in her heart are surprising her with something that I’ve done. Things like randomly making dinner, doing the dishes unexpectedly, making the bed in the morning, and running errands so she doesn’t have to. These things may not sound very romantic to you. But to my wife, these things make her heart sing!

    I am exceptionally affirmation based. I feel so loved and appreciated when Nathana gives me and incredible compliment. I see that she loves me when she tells me about it. So some of the ways that she makes me feel like a man are when she tells me that I look good in a specific shirt, thanking me for some of the things I’ve done around the house, and complimenting my hard work throughout the week. I couldn’t feel more appreciated than when she takes some time out of her night just to tell me that she loves something specific about me.

But it's not just about adhering to love languages. It's about paying attention to your spouse. Knowing what they are interested in and the things that they love is huge. If you can show enthusiasm  in something they truly care about, it will make all the difference.

    It's not just about the huge gestures that you can offer, but the little things throughout day to day life that make marriage worth while..

    For example, Nathana just got home from doing grocery shopping for the week. It was her main goal to find some great deals on healthy foods so that we can pay a little more attention to what and how we are eating. This means salads, vegetables, and generally speaking, the things that make me sigh and dream of eating steak. So, when she entered the door I was hesitant about what she had filled her many sacks of wares from the market with. I jokingly asked, "Did you buy anything I will eat?" And she said, "Actually, I got you a special surprise!" and pulled out these bagel sticks that were full of cream cheese and strawberry jam. This is huge because I LOVE bagels with cream cheese but Nathana absolutely hates cream cheese. Which means she bought them specifically for me. She's not going to touch them. She saw them, thought of me, and bought them because she knew I would love them!

    Marriage takes work. Living with someone all the time and putting up with things that just might drive you crazy if you allow them to is never easy. But with some attention to the details, genuine interest in the one you love, and dedication to making it all work, marriage will become a blessing to your soul! Dedicate this long weekend to romancing your spouse a special way!

- Mitch

Questions:

- What are some ways that your spouse makes your heart leap?
- What are some ways that you are great at making your spouse feel great?