Ecclesiastes 8:7 - Since no one knows the future, who can tell someone else what is to come?

Proverbs 23:18 - There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

    First off, I would like to apologize that I have done such a poor job at keeping up with the blog within the past month (if not longer...) I really don’t have any specific excuses besides the fact that I have been doing my best to be prepared for our move to Arizona. But at the end of the day I should have made time for posts and I just haven’t. And so before I say anything else, I want to say that I am truly sorry about my lack of consistency here.
    
    So, we are finally back in York, Nebraska after 2 full weeks of visiting family in Missouri, Oklahoma, and other parts of Nebraska. We return to our humble one bedroom apartment that has become more of a place that we are keeping our stuff than a home. We return to the place that we have spent the past year and a half in as our newly created family only to find it destroyed by our mountains of boxes that lay in wait of moving. We return to fondness and distance all at the same time. We return to a life of metamorphosis.
    It leads me to wonder about my future that God has in store. We know that we are going to be landing in Glendale, Arizona the evening of June 30th. We know that we have been preparing for this date for the past month. We know that God has been marinating and steeping our hearts and minds for this life change for years. We know that we are as ready we will ever be.
    But we don’t know anything about tomorrow. We think we know but nothing is guaranteed. We may not even make it to Arizona at all. It may be morbid but it’s true. Nothing is contracted. Nothing is set in stone. This life is a vapor. We are but a breath. We can guess and plan and hypothesize until we drive ourselves crazy, but it doesn’t mean any of it is ours to hold.
    So what does this mean for your marriage? It means that you may have things in your life that you just don’t get to. Daily I put things off, dedicating them to my ever growing “to-do” list. At the end of the day, the list will have an end and that end just might come sooner than you think. Maybe you’ve been meaning to fix the closet door for your wife but there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to get to it. Maybe you’ve been planning on serving your husband his favorite dinner just because you love him but Hamburger Helper keeps on making it to the table because its easier and faster. Maybe you’ve been waiting to share a secret part of your soul but need the perfect moment to do it. Well friends,

            there will never be enough hours,
                            
                                                                         important things take time,
        
                                    and perfect moments are what you make of them.

    The future is ever changing. It is created in the present. It is designed by the decisions that you make today. So next time that you put something on your “to-do” list, try and realize that a list is nothing but hopeful goals that don’t get done unless you make them get done. It’s just the reality of the issue. I would love to take the next several days off but we don’t have that luxury. This coming Thursday, we have to start to drive the 1,200 miles to our new home in Arizona. If we don’t pack and prepare, we will never move. And that is just not an option.

Mitch

Question: What is something that you can dedicate to crossing off of your list this next week?


P.S. Seeing as we are moving next week, Nathana and I will be taking at least the next week off. Perhaps longer if it takes us longer to get settled than we anticipate. We just may surprise you with random blogs along the way but we will see what that ever uncertain future holds.

WE LOVE YOU!

Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor. He who answers before listening--that is his folly and shame.
-Proverbs 18:12-13

    First off, I apologize for our slacking off the past couple weeks on our blogs. Our lives have been chaotic since we’ve been traveling to visit family and putting final touches on packing for our move. On top of limited time, we have had spotty internet access. Please bear with us over the next month as we transition!
    All of that aside, I have been reflecting a lot lately on communication problems that Mitch and I have encountered and that you and your spouse may have also fell into. Assumptions get me in trouble; especially when Mitch and I are trying to work through a disagreement or make a big decision. I chose Proverbs 18:12-13 to focus on because I think it lays out the cause and effect of making assumptions.

Cause: Pride
    “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud.” Proverbs 18:12. C.S. Lewis also says in Mere Christianity that pride is the root of most all other sins. I know I struggle with it more than almost anything else. When I perceive something as threatening my pride I become defensive. By our sinful nature, we are all self-centered beings and we tend to favor ourselves infallible and right. Pride can destroy a marriage. It is toxic for any relationship. In my personal experience, both in marriage and friendships, my pride has caused me to put up walls and jump to conclusions about what others are thinking. This jumping to conclusions is how I define making assumptions. Many times this has caused me to not truly listen to Mitch. I fancy that I know what he is thinking and is going to say and I fail to actually listen to his thoughts and feelings. I assume I know and I close my ears.

Effect: Conflict Due to Assumptions
    “He who answers before listening--that is his folly and shame” Proverbs 18:13. Mitch always tells me that “Assumptions make an incorrect analysis out of both you and I.” It could not be more true. When I let my pride lead me to assumptions, more often than not, I find us in a conflict spurning from poor communication that could have been easily avoided. It always embarrassing when I realize that if I just would have initially checked my pride and know-it-all attitude at the door and took the time to listen to Mitch we could bypass so many misunderstandings. Don’t let pride seize your compassion and common sense. Lower your defenses. Let your spouse in to express themselves. I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find that they are not against you, but rather they are on your team!

In the next couple weeks Mitch and I would like to work up a questionnaire about conflict causes and management to send to several of our married friends to let them share their advice and what works for them with you. It will all be anonymous. If you have any questions you would like put on it, or if you and your spouse would like to fill one out, please respond and let us know. If you do not want to comment, you can always email us at [email protected]

- Nathana

Questions:
How do you and your spouse avoid making assumptions when communicating?
Pride can be hard to relinquish, any advice on letting go of it?