Self-doubt, a lack of confidence in your own abilities, and a constant state of worry. When I think of what insecurity means, these are some things that come to mind. 

In many ways, I feel like my whole life has been an awkward dance with insecurity. Don’t get me wrong—I am comfortable and happy with who I am and the gifts God has granted me (though maybe not so confident in using them). To risk generalizing, I think that as women we need more affirmation of our husbands’ love and attraction. 

Insecurities come into play in the workplace and at home. They create an interesting dynamic within marriage, usually not a good one. I think as women we are prone to certain types of insecurities more than others; for example, we tend to be more worried about our appearance and weight. However, we are not alone in our struggle, through reading the book For Women Only one of the most surprising things I discovered was that most men also feel very insecure, especially when it comes to their jobs and providing for their families, they just tend to be better at disguising it.

I wish I could offer up some balm or cure-all advice to rid our lives of insecurity—but I am still searching myself. However, I have found some core ideas to hang onto when insecurity rises up in your mind and tells you that you are not good enough, not worthy, not loved, or whatever lies it may try to plant.

1.      Actually Listen when your spouse or someone else affirms you. Too often I blow off affirmation. Sometimes I suspect people of stroking my ego to make me feel better. But I have learned how to discern what is genuine affirmation and encouragement. Hang on to genuine affirmation. 

2.      Hang onto God’s truth. This is common advice—but it is powerful when actually practiced. Take more time in prayer to connect to the Holy Spirit because one of the Holy Spirit’s roles is to lead us to truth (John 16:13). The Holy Spirit can also fill us with boldness, the opposite of insecurity, (Peter and John are filled with boldness by the Spirit in Acts 4, see verse 31). Prayer can also allow us to lay our worries and insecurities at the feet of our God who cares (Philippians 4:6-7). If we are doing these things, it is easier to fill our hearts and minds with truth, not Satan’s lies (Philippians 4:8-9). Finally, find some scriptures that you can cling to when you feel small and weak. Here is one of mine:

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grace, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. –Psalms 16:8-11


Do you have any advice to share about how you deal with your insecurities? Share in the comments!

- Nathana

PS: Mitch will be sharing the "male" side of insecurity later this week!

Tonight, over dinner we talked about how poorly we have been about posting blog consistently lately. We realized that some of it was due to changes in our schedules and overall life craziness.

However, at the end of the day, we acknowledged that all we had was excuses.

This lead us to think about recommitting. I feel like recommitting is such an important aspect to life. Each day I (Nathana) get up and go to work I have to recommit to loving and working with the kids I see--even if the day before left me feeling like a failure. The same goes in our marriage relationship. We may mess up big time or feel hurt by our spouse, but we still have to wake up each day and recommit/choose to love them. Without this rededication we can grow complacent with a mediocre marriage. 

Mitch replies: Recommitment is a process that is ongoing but it is also important to remember that creating a commitment is no small thing. It should also not be taken lightly. The commitment that we make to our jobs, friends, and family are important. Let alone the commitment you make to Jesus by taking Him on in baptism or binding your life to your spouse in marriage.

Commitments are important!

In the same way, recommitments shouldn't be done habitually without thought. They should be taken seriously. It should be done with intentionality.

But don't let this detour you from rededicating yourself to something. As important as it is to make commitments mindfully, it is equally important that they are made. If in doubt, if your heart is leading you towards change, dive in. Work at it. Take it seriously as you go. The important thing is that you start!

May God bless you as change is made,

- Nathana and Mitch Clay

Have you ever found yourself struck by the beauty and wonder of something seemingly small on a busy day? Lately, this has been repeatedly happening to me. I take our dog Hazel out for a quick walk so she can relieve herself before I rush off to work and the soft hooting of an owl catches my ear and I stop and just listen and let the cool, quiet morning breeze wash over me for a moment. Instead of rushing to whatever I have to do, I want to just lay down in the dewy grass right then and there! It may be a small joy that lasts only seconds, but it brings so much pleasure to my being. 

I think in marriage and romance we get busy and wrapped up in our chaotic lives. Sometimes the day-to-day routines make us numb to the small things. Romance becomes harder to maintain, because to make it special, the gestures of love have to be grander and grander. . . or so we think.

When Mitch and I were dating in college, there was nothing more wonderful than simply being together, in each other's company. This could mean working on homework, walking down the shady brick roads of York, or cuddling on a couch while we watched MasterChef. Now, so much of that is our daily life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE it! Nonetheless, in some ways it has become life rather than romance, at least if I let it. I have noticed that the romance can still be just as acute if I choose to cuddle in his arms (to keep me safe) while we watch the Walking Dead rather than sprawl on the futon while he reclines on the couch. I have also noticed that if I let busyness pause for just a second I can be overwhelmed by the love he offers me every day. This week we traded cars for a day so that he could fix my car windows--they were very charmingly held up by duck tape. It may have been a small thing, even a necessary thing. However, his willingness to take of it, thus taking care of me, made me feel SO loved. 

This week, don't let the daily grind hang you out to dry and leave you wondering where the romance went. Take a moment or two to notice what your spouse does do every day to show you love and take care of you. You may find yourself overwhelmed by all of the "small" gestures. 

-Nathana

Question:
How has your spouse expressed love to you in a "seemingly" small way this week that blessed your life?

So, it's been awhile since we've updated this blog. I truly do apologize about all of that. It's not what we want to be. And it's certainly not what we are working towards. But fear not, you have not been forgotten. This has been a hibernation, not senseless slumber.

Paul talks about waking from the slumber in Romans 13:11-12 - And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.

     Our salvation is near. Our faith promises us this. We should never forget this simple truth.

It may seem like it's easier to stay asleep. Believe me, my wife and I go through this most days. Nathana works for the school system, which means she has to get up early. Very early. And certainly much earlier than I do. This means that most mornings, my wife has a battle to wage against the dark, cold, and caffeine-filled morning. Most days she is very successful at fighting this war. But sometimes, the snooze button is just to powerful. Its these moments that slumber is preferable.