Question 2: "When you got married, how did you work toward a having a foundation in Christ? Did you prioritize your spiritual walks? Do you feel that seeking God together has affected your marriage in a positive way? If so, how?"



Couple 1: "When we got married we tried to do studies and read the bible together like we did when we were dating. That has been off and on but we have always prayed together. Yes it has been positive. It provides a foundation that is strong and not fleeting. Our feelings shift and emotions can create friction but having that base prevents them from controlling our relationship."

Couple 2: "• Our spiritual life’s really grew after seeking out a church when we moved to Minnesota 20+ years ago. Participating in worship, camp, and everyday life with others seeking Christ really helped to forge relationship with Christ. We did this together, both equally committed. We have been able to weather tough and stressful situations through faith in Christ. Prayer brought us peace."

Couple 3: "The foundation for our marriage was Christ. Being at camp and seeing God work through each other was part of what brought us together. We agreed that we always wanted our relationships with God to come first from the beginning. When we pray together we become closer to each other and to God. No matter how much we mess up, or how good or bad the day goes, it doesn't ultimately matter because at the end of the day, we always come back together."

****Please leave your response to the question in the comments!

First of all, accept my apologies for last week! It was a crazy week. We had some wonderful things happen like a great college friend of Mitch's staying with us for a few days and some awesome youth group events. The AIM students were in Phoenix and they ran a youth devotional at the Northwest Church of Christ on Tuesday. Several teens also went to go see several bands, including Disciple and Family Force Five on Thursday night. They rocked quite hard and had a blast! However, we also had some less enjoyable occurrences, like myself getting sick for a few days. Amidst this mostly wonderful craziness we failed to post any blogs. We hate it when this happens because it is a commitment that we take seriously.

Today, we will begin round 1 of the long anticipated questionnaire responses! (Insert applause!) Each week I will post the responses to one question. We hope that you enjoy learning from some wonderful couples, many of whose wisdom and experience far surpasses that which Mitch and I have to offer. They are also all three in different stages of their marriages to add some further insight for you! This first question is a fun one that will hopefully be enjoyable and tell you a little bit of background on the couples.

Question1: "What was it that initially attracted you to your spouse? Is that still what you find most attractive about them today? If not, what is?"

Couple 1:
(Wife) "His kindness. And yes, it is what I am still attracted to."

(Husband) "Her personality. Yes, it is still what I am attracted to."

Couple 2: (Husband speaking about his wife) "Great sense of humor. Out going personality. Physically attractive. After 23 years of marriage, I find that my wife is even funnier than when we met. She continues to be beautiful inside and out, and loves to get together with others to share and have fun. What is most attractive today however is that she weathers the storms of life with faith and assurance that only comes through experience."

Couple 3:
(Wife) "I was attracted by his honesty. He was and is a say-it-like-it-is person and I appreciated that about him. It still attracts me, but it gets on my nerves every now and then--only when I need it the most."

(Husband) "We had mutual interests--We both wanted to have kids, to be involved with the camp ministry. I was physically attracted to her as well."

Question for you!
1. What was it that initially attracted you to your spouse? Is that still what you find most attractive about them today? If not, what is?

*Check in the comments for Mitch and I's responses! Have a great Tuesday!

On September 8th, I posted a list of goals. 25 things that I wanted to accomplish this year. (If you would like to see the official blog, just hit the "Marriage Blog" button and scroll down.) It has now been over a month that I dedicated myself to this list of goals. Recently I've been talking to some people about this idea and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback. So, to keep myself accountable, and just to keep track, here is my list of goals along with descriptions of how I have obtained some of these goals already!



Learn to change the oil on a car for myself (I hate to pay for this!)

Read (at least) one book in each of the following categories: Fiction, Science Fiction, Young Adult, Biography, Graphic Novel, Non-Fiction, Self Improvement, Christian living, Christian Theology, and Youth Ministry

Turn “2Becoming1” into it’s own website and create more outreach
    - We haven't accomplished this goal yet but I've been taking strides on making it             official. I've been doing a lot of research and I think we can acomplish this by the new     year!

Learn how to make something with my own hands

Record a new (at least) seven song album, and post it to iTunes

Play a concert somewhere

Create a homeless outreach event for our youth group

Attend a midnight opening for a movie

Attend a concert of a band I’ve always wanted to see
    - At the end of October, Nathana and I are going to go see one of our absolute favorite     bands in Prescott. They are named Gungor, and if you haven't heard of them, you owe it     to yourself to go to YouTube as soon as you are done reading this blog and search for         them. You will not regret this decision.

Visit the Grand Canyon

Ride my bike to work (at least) twice.

Host a boys only sleep over (not lock-in. Sleep over)
    - Tomorrow, one of my best friends in the entire world is coming down to visit us in         Phoenix. Needless to say, I am excited. On the "to-do" list is a sleep over. Done and             done!

Try my hand at grilling ribs and brisket

Play and beat (at least) 10 video games
    - 1 down (Assassins Creed - Revelations) with two more underway (Zelda - Skyward         Sword and Pokemon Black - Version 2).

Go camping in Sedona

Create an area-wide event dedicated to relationships and marriage at our church

Beat my father in a game of Chess

Buy my wife a bouquet of flowers once a month
    - September was an arrangement of beautiful carnations, lilies, and daises. This month     I'm looking for something a little more "Autumny." Anyone have any suggestions?

Study a book of the Bible that I haven’t in the past

Go hiking on a mountain in the valley

Go to NCYM (National Conference on Youth Ministry)
    - I have bought my ticket, have a room reserved, and just need to get up there!

Beat one of my teens at Halo

Watch a Husker game with the Stagg family
    - This was accomplished with flying colors as we beat Arkansas State!

Start writing a book

Go to another professional sports game
    - In February, our youth group will be going to a "Faith and Family Night" at a             Phoenix Suns game. I'm really excited about this!


So, out of 25 things that I want to do this year, I have knocked off 2, have at least 2 more coming off of the list this month, and several that I have in my sights. I feel really good about this! If you guys have any ideas on how to accomplish more of these, please send them to me! And, as always, extra encouragement is nice.

Questions:

    - What are some things that you would like to knock off either your long term "bucket list" or         short term "to do list"?
    - How can we help encourage you to do this?

Thanks everyone!

-Mitch

I know this isn't a normal day for us to post blog, but I was listening to a Family Life Today broadcast that I really want to share with you. Mitch and I have not addressed many of the areas of remarriage and divorce because we do not feel qualified to address all aspects of them. However, this discussion with Chip Ingram hits on some powerful points dealing with remarriage, blended families, and divorce and how to heal and create lasting love. Even if you haven't been remarried or divorced, I would still encourage you to tune in. He discusses where our ideas of love come from (society) and how they are faulty as well as how to create a solid foundation that will last.

Check it out here:

http://www.familylife.com/audio/topics/marriage

This is not going to be a feel good post. I am going to be blunt and direct, which is rarely my typical tone. Over the past couple weeks I have been scared and saddened when I look around and see so many couples taking the easy way out. Couples that face hard times relying on God and choosing to love one another find their marriage restored; unfortunately, that is not the norm. And, while I am encouraged by so many marriages that I see, I am also uneasy about the choices I see so many of my friends and those we know making. In fact, it was a big reason why we started this blog in the first place.

I had someone tell me recently, "Hunny, when you have been married 17 years, you will understand. Things change and the love is gone." I expressed as kindly as I could that I didn't believe that it had to be that way. That is not the design God has for marriage. The love should deepen and grow.

To those of you wondering if your marriage is worth the work: it is.

To those of you considering hanging in there until the kids are out of the house and then going your separate ways in search of “real” love; don’t be naïve and start trying to make your current marriage better. Avoiding and running from the issues in our marriages only multiplies the problems. Even if your spouse is unwilling to change, you still have a covenant with them to love them. Their shortcomings do not give you a “get out of jail free card”.


    The love God calls us to offer is one that is patient, enduring, and one that “bears with” someone.


Your marriage is worth the fight.

                                                        It is worth the work.

                                                                                                                   It is worth it.


Note: I am not referring to abusive relationships. There are circumstances where it really is healthier to get out, especially if you have kids. No one should ever have to endure physical or sexual abuse from a spouse. If that is a reality in your marriage, seek help and get out to somewhere safe.

Question:
1. What are ways that a marriage can be improved? What are ways that have helped you? (i.e. prayer, counseling, etc.)

Over the past couple of weeks my family has been in town to visit us in Arizona. It was an incredible blessing to see my family again. Having them visit and see what our lives look like in a completely new environment was just great. We got to share our new lives, home, friends, church family, and ministry with them. But while they were here, my little sister Tressa shared something with us as well.

It was a tv show called "The Voice" which airs on NBC. We had heard of it before but were never very interested. Personally I've never been a fan of the music competitions on tv. They all seem so vain and self centered. I just never got into the hype. But Tressa really wanted to watch it with us. So we all sat down to watch the program that I was just sure that I was going to hate...

And when it started, I'll be honest, I wasn't super impressed. But then as my sister started to explain how the show works, I slowly became more interested. A music show that didn't humiliate and make fun of it's own contestants when they weren't up to par? A music show that bases talent on vocal quality instead of fashion choice? I really couldn't believe it. This is a music show that we actually might watch!

As I watched the contestants sing their hearts out to the back of the judges chairs, I started to think about what we look at as valuable in life. The singers were putting on an incredible performance while hoping that their high note would win them a spot on a team and I couldn't stop thinking, "What if these judges could see their performers? Would they be more interested? Or would they write some of these singers off before the first note?"

This situation reminded me of the story of God choosing David as the new king of Israel. It says in
1 Samuel 16:6-7:

When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed stands here before the Lord.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

So often, we are quick to judge according to what our eyes take in that we forget that our eyes cannot respond to souls. There are incredible people with caring and genuine hearts that we give no value to because they may be unattractive. In the other hand, how many people have we lifted to great heights because of their appearance and persona that don't really deserve their limelight?

Nathana on Tuesday talked about the things that we allow to divide our marriages. Every day we have choices to make. We can look at our spouses and only take in their faults -

"I can't believe he forgot to do the laundry."

                                    "She's wearing that shirt again? Doesn't she know what she looks like?"

"Why won't he just turn off the tv and listen to what I'm saying?"

                                          "I know the door needs fixed. She doesn't have to tell me 10 times..."


Or we can do our best and look under the skin and into the soul of our spouse. See what they are dealing with day to day. Give some grace. Offer some forgiveness. Lend some love. Share with them what you see and have genuine conversation about how to rectify the situation.

Sometimes it's not what we see.

                                                        But rather,

                                                                                  The heart that makes the difference.



I hope that this weekend is a great one for you and your family. I leave you with a video of one of the contestants that we saw that night of watching "The Voice"...

Questions:

What are some things that get in the way of seeing our spouses souls?
How can we do better at offering love and grace?


-Mitch

Mitch and I are Husker fans. I was born a fan. I was taken pictures in Husker baby outfits and I've been “watching” the games with my dad since infancy. Husker games are a part of my family culture and part of being a corn-fed Nebraskan. Mitch, on the other hand, is a convert. He wanted to make a good impression with my dad and one of the ways he set about doing that was watching Husker football. However, even after brownie points were awarded, he remains a solid fan by choice (at least a better fan than I currently am. . . ). I think he has because there is something special about cheering with people for the same team.

There is something even greater about working with people on a team.

Unfortunately, in so many marriages, spouses view each other more as opponents, rather than teammates. (FYI, I am no longer talking about Ohio St. Vs. UNL rivalries. That could be a major rivalry, depending how die-hard you and your spouse take sports.)

Which thoughts go through your mind the most often?

He is such a bum. He never helps me around the house! Doesn’t he care how stressed I am?!

She is always too busy and tired to think about my needs. Where do I factor in?

He/she forgot to do that AGAIN!

I can’t believe they would do that to me!

OR

My husband/wife is a gift from God. How can I cherish them today?

Yeah, he forgot to run by the bank, but he did take the trash out. I can drop the check by the bank on my way home from work tomorrow.

Man I am so tired today! But, my wife looks wore out too. I wonder how we can both relax and rejuvenate?

This has been a long day. Sex isn’t exactly on my radar, but maybe if I give it a chance my mood will change.

The moral of this example is that your perspective can change your world. How do you view your spouse? Are they a gift from God that you cherish? Or are they just an annoyance you combat daily?

Too many couples simply tolerate each other. Some even detest each other as enemies. These are lethal mindsets. They are also contrary to God’s design of marriage creating “one flesh” and Eve being created to help Adam.

Your spouse is NOT your enemy. Long ago, a friend told me something that her mother used to always tell newlyweds that would vent about their spouse. “You are on the same team. Why are you fighting each other? You should be working toward agreement as teammates. If you view your spouse as the enemy, than a bigger battle is already lost.”

Questions:
1. Reread 1 Corinthians 13. How is love depicted?
2. Can you love your spouse and view them as an enemy or opponent? Why or why not?

Picture from http://www.huskers.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=100&ATCLID=205703921