A couple months ago, our minister, Wyane, preached a sermon series on the marriage covenant. In his first sermon he quoted a section of scripture that I had heard parts of quoted, but never in the larger context. Powerful words with a straight-forward message: Keep the faith by keeping your covenants.
    In Malachi 2:10, Judah is rebuked for breaking their covenant of faith with God by marrying foreign gods. The imagery of God’s people as his bride, is beautiful, stirring, and striking. But, the chapter continues.

    God is clear on his design and what brings him disappointment in his children. Neglecting to keep the faith in our marriages, like other sins, forms a wall between us and God. In some ways even more so because of the covenant we made with our spouse. Our wedding day might create a vow between two people; but, God is also our witness! He is a part of that covenant; he makes the husband and wife one is flesh and spirit.

    There are two things I would like to draw out of this passage:

1. It is a violent act to divorce. To divorce is to rip apart a covenant that makes two people one in spirit and flesh. It also tears apart families. It is not a clean process; it is bloody, messy, and damaging. God wants “Godly offspring” that includes his children that are entering into marriage covenants, but also the children that are blessed to that husband and wife. Both are injured in the breaking apart of marriages. Now, I have known people who were in very harmful marriages and I feel like God has blessed them since their first marriage with a second beautiful marriage covenant. However, out of all the cases of divorce, this is very rarely the case and often still could have been avoided if both spouses treated the covenant with honor and respect.

2. Our marriages should be a priority in our lives. God makes it clear that He hates divorce and it is violent. He also reminds us that keeping the faith in our marriage affects our relationship with Him. We need to attend to the preservation and prosperity of our marriages. If we are seeking to have hearts like God, we need to value and cherish what he values.

Questions:
1. How can you better value and cherish your spouse and marriage covenant?
2. “Keeping the faith” is a big idea. I believe that it entails more than just being sexually faithful. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

Confession #1: I have an issue with not finishing books.

    Don’t get me wrong, I actually really love to read. Honestly, I can’t think of anything else that allows you to internalize emotional struggles of others, learn from much more intelligent people than I, and go on amazing adventures all at the same time, all from the comfort of my own bedroom. Reading is one of the most under appreciated talents that you have. If you couldn’t read, you certainly wouldn’t be visiting this website. So, it’s not that I take reading books for grated (most of the time anyway...)
    Part of my problem is that I am a very slow reader. I truly enjoy the journey, but often times it will take me months just to get through one book. I just take longer than most people. My wife says that it helps me understand the story or information better as well, but nevertheless, I’m still just a very slow reader. Because of this, I often times lose interest in what I’m reading. The book has to be action packed in order to keep my attention. If I can only make it through 3-4 in a sitting, there has to be something for me to be excited about within those pages to make me want to put in the time and effort it takes me to read the following night.

                   Confession #2: I can sometimes act the same way in marriage.

    Don’t get me wrong, I actually really love my wife. Honestly, I can’t think of anything besides marriage that could offer consistent support, possibilities for self discloser, and building a legacy for the future with someone else. Marriage is one of the most wonderful things. Ever. I love my wife. So, it’s not that I take her for granted (most of the time anyway...)
    Most of my problem is that marriage is hard. I do enjoy the journey, but a lifetime can be a very long process. And in the same way that I have a hard time making it through a book, I can have a hard time being the husband that I need to be day in and day out...

                                                                                          Confession #3: It’s worth it!

    Don’t get me wrong, marriage can take lots of work. It can be difficult to be the person that you need to be. But there is nothing more important (besides your walk with God) than being a self sacrificing, love offering, forgiveness giving, and joy bringing spouse. It makes the journey worth it. It keeps the action in story moving. It provides reasons to turn the next page.

    And just like reading, in the end, what you gain is worth the effort!

In Him,
- Mitch Clay


Question: What are some other ways that reading and marriage are related?

     When you live with someone and share close quarters, chances are that you get to know them in ways that well, humanize them. I think this is a beautiful thing! Our fallen world is full of dehumanization from the hands and minds of racists, the porn industry, and even many media groups. We do not value many people as humans, rather we see them as  subhuman or as sex objects. On the flip side, there are the ideals that are set before us in "happily ever after" fairy tales and Disney movies. (Oh, and cough, cough, Twilight.) Too many girls and even guys live with unobtainable expectations for their mate.
    See your mate for who they are: the good, the weird, the flawed. God calls us to love each other where we are and to remain faithful and committed. (1 Corinthians 13).
    This does not mean that we permit abuse or overlook bad habits. Rather, that we encourage one another as we face life day to day. The point I am trying to make is that I have seen far too many people give up on their marriages. There are many reasons people use, but the thing I hear expressed most often is a sense of disappointment: what they hoped for never happened. After you get married the glitter and glam fades away. It is only a matter of time before even Edward quits glittering to Bella! Too often I hear, "You will know what I mean when you have been married for 20 years. . . " or demeaning complaints about husbands too dense to even find the ketchup in the fridge.
    I am happy to say that I still love Mitch, even after living with him and adjusting to humanizing things like morning breath and water spots on the bathroom sink. (Just as I am sure he has experienced many humanizing things living with me. . . ) He is still my prince and my knight. Seeing behind the makeup so to speak and still loving your spouse even more for the wonderful HUMAN they are is a beautiful thing! Remember, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church. And if you have ever been to church, it is easy to see that it is flawed and full of sinful humans. . . Some days are harder than others. Your spouse will forget things, slip up, and disappoint you. Nonetheless, keep grace always in mind and let loving words fill your vocabulary.

Consider these questions:
1. Do you actively love your spouse where they are or are you holding them to unrealistic expectations?
2. Even when the glitter and glam of being newlyweds fades, how can you remain passionate rather than complacent and lazy in your marriage? (I understand that things calming down is normal and even healthy, but keeping intimacy and some passion is important.)

Question:  What advice would you want to give to other married couples, especially newlyweds?

Couple 1: "Pride stinks. No one wants to live with a know-it-all. Suck it up when you do something wrong or hurt the other person and admit it. Think about the other person. It isn’t all about you. A relationship with God is crucial to a successful marriage. I am a more effective Christian because of the man I married. Think of ways you can serve God together and encourage each other in your spiritual growth. Don’t take your partner for granted. Take the time to show them how you feel like you did when you were dating. Just because you are married now, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be taking out and treated as something special. And ladies, sometimes it’s good to do what he wants."


Couple 2: "Stay committed to communication and continued growth. Make prayer and spiritual growth a priority as individuals and as a couple. Find ways to seek and serve God together. Never stop having fun together. Laugh with one another. Be silly. It helps to keep the friendship alive and thriving!"

Couple 3: "Find someone who has the same goals as you do. Make God the center of your marriage."

****Remember! This is our last post for the round table discussions! We will return to normal blogposts on Tuesday! God bless!