I swore that I would never teach elementary school . . . And now, (granted I am not the classroom teacher) I recently accepted a position as an elementary school paraprofessional. My job is to move between K-6 grades and help with a variety of tasks such as helping students make behavior plans in the “Responsible Thinking Classroom”, working with small groups that need extra help in reading and math, and lunch, parking lot, and recess duty. I started on Monday and even though I am the one that is supposed to be helping the students learn, I feel like I am the one being schooled!

I forgot how short Kindergarten students are, how hard 5th grade math can really be, how quiet the teachers keep the classrooms, and how the students literally only have five minutes to eat lunch. Nonetheless, I have gained so much admiration for the teachers and the staff at the school that pour endless hours and so much effort into helping all these sticky-fingered bundles of joy learn to read, write, and understand math.

There is one particular Kindergarten teacher who motivates her students to be “Superstars”. She tracks how they are acting by moving a clip with their name through different categories: Thinking Chair (to think about something they did wrong), Need to Focus, Working Hard, and Superstar. At the end of the day, we get to carefully peel off sticker badges that say “SUPER!” for those that reached superstar status. Several kids walked away with those badges today; however, there was one sweet little boy that had been an angel all day and then slipped up the last hour of class. As a result, he didn’t make it to “Superstar” status and was devastated. All he could manage to do was sit in his chair and quietly cry. Many other kids barely noticed that they fell short, but he did.

How often do you feel like you reach “Superstar” status as a spouse?

I know I rarely do, if in fact I ever have . . . Some days my name clip makes it up to working hard, other days I find myself critical or I say something hurtful and feel like I slip back down to the “thinking about what I did wrong” category. As I drove home today I thought a lot about this. At first, I was discouraged because I feel like I fall short in so many areas of my life. Then, I remembered that is why Christ offers us grace and the Bible tells us to extend grace and forgiveness to others. Grace is not an excuse or a crutch to be purposefully leaned on. It is, however, a reality that none of us are perfect all the time and without grace from God and others, we will never be a good enough Christian, a good enough spouse, and good enough mother, a good enough _____________.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
______________

Finally, this teacher always tells all of her non-superstars at the end of the day that every day is a new day and they have a bran new opportunity to be a superstar. We have this opportunity each new day as well. So, don't let yesterday dictate today!

Questions:
What does grace look like?
How can you extend grace to your spouse?
Is “not keeping a record of wrongs” part of grace and forgiveness?

This has been a whirlwind week in the Clay house. With Nathana sick and our school year off to a strong start, planning for this blog hasn't gone as well as I would have hoped. But I bring good news! People who are older, wiser, and much more prepared are ready and willing to take you on a journey this week!. Their names are Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn and they have written some awesome books called For Men Only and For Women Only. Family Life Today did a 2 week study with the couple and I have gained so much perspective from this awesome couple. I hope that you can find the time to listen to some of there recordings. They are only about 20 minutes each and offer so much wisdom!

Here are the links:

http://www.familylife.com/audio/series/recommended-series/for-men-only

http://www.familylife.com/audio/series/recommended-series/for-women-only


We love you guys. Let us know if there is anything you can be praying for this weekend!

- Mitch

This week I have been battling a cold. It is frustrating! Nothing irks me more than not being able to do normal activity because I feel wore out and sick. The cold began on Sunday, but really reared its ugly head on Mitch and I’s date day in Sedona. It was still a wonderful experience and we had great conversation while we took in God’s beauty; but my energy faded fast and we came home a little earlier than expected. I could barely keep my eyes open on our way home and it was only noon! I felt like I robbed Mitch of me being my best on such a special day.

As I thought about it today, I realized there are many things that can rob us of being 100% in our marriage. Sickness, emotional struggles, job stress, and so much more can leave us lacking. So what can we do in times like this?

1. Offer what you can. Your spouse will understand if you are not 100%. Offer what you can. It may not be your best; but that is ok. Even if you are dealing with stress and only have a small portion of yourself to offer, it is still something and worth offering. Give what you have. Your spouse will be impressed that you gave of yourself when you only had a little bit to give!

2. Realize that asking for help is not always a bad thing. We all fall short on occasion. Your spouse will have their trying days too. It takes a mature person to ask for help. Mitch always tells me that he likes it when I ask for help because it gives him specific ways to love me. Tonight he is excited to make me chicken noodle soup because he knows that it will show his love to me through serving me.

3. Slow down and take the opportunity to focus on yourself. Resting and working on getting your feet back underneath yourself does not make you self-centered! More often than not, when we get sick or stressed, it is because we have pushed ourselves too far and not taken care to get sleep and eat healthy. Allow your body to recover and give it what it needs, whether that is sleep or a healthier diet. If you can be a healthier and better you, it will affect your marriage in positive ways . . . remember a “better me can mean a better we.”

Please remember to respond to the questionaire that we posted a week ago. We would love to hear from you!

- Nathana

Proverbs 16:32 - Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.

    While we were in our moving phase, our budget was next to impossible to deal with. We knew that we would have a lot of randomness and unexpected bills coming our way. So, we did something that we NEVER do: threw our budget out the window. For an entire month, we allowed ourselves to spend what we wanted. We did this to furnish our new home, pay for down-payments on the apartment, electric, etc, and everything else that comes with moving. And for that month, it felt really good just to go to the store and pick up whatever we needed without having to worry about the price. I’m even going to go as far as to say that I really enjoyed it. It felt like I was back in college. I could have what I needed/wanted without having to pay attention to the sticker shock.
    I want to take a second and state that we didn’t just blow through all of our savings or become overly reckless. We actually still made sure to buy things that we thought we could handle because we wanted to get good deals on what we spent our money on. We didn’t lose our minds to the credit card, in fact we didn’t even use it! We just allowed ourselves to use what we needed to use.
    Anyway, this month (August) we went back to our budget. We sat down and set up what we thought we were going to spend and set aside money accordingly. We diagramed out our weekly spending. I created a graph and spreadsheet. We set up our money folder into sections and columns and placed bills in correspondingly...

It was awful.

    It was like I had suddenly become the immortal Prometheus from Greek mythos. I had been re-chained to a rock, where an eagle was sent to feed on my liver day after day.
    
Ok, that’s a bit harsh...

    But it was seriously hard to go back to an old way of life after tasting another possibility. Nathana and I (mostly me) had to retrain ourselves to use restraint when shopping. Essentially, we had to re-learn and re-train ourselves to be patient. Indulging yourself is so easy. Giving yourself whatever your heart desires takes no power. Being patient for what you want however takes much more strength. It takes consistency. It takes motivation. It takes discipline. Frankly, it is hard.
    This coming week, I really want to challenge myself to hold firm to the things that I have dedicated myself to. These things include: personal Bible study, deep communication with my wife, being holy as God is holy, and being the best husband, youth minister, friend, brother, son, and person I can be. But in order to be these things I have to be contained and controlled. As Proverbs states, it is the patient fighter that takes the city. It took the strategy and faith of the boy David, rather than the size and might of Solomon’s army, to conquer the giant Goliath.

May God bless the rest of your weekend and this coming week. And may you go forward and be a patient fighter.

Questions: Instead of posting a question portion to this blog, I want to really encourage you to read and think about responding to our questionnaire that Nathana posted on Tuesday. It would really help us out a lot and we really want to hear from you!

- Mitch

Mitch and I have been playing with an idea of letting other couples share their insights on marriage with you! After all, we don't have all of the answers . . . not even close! We want others to bless you with their wisdom and experience. This week, we will be sending this questionnaire to several couples that we know, some that have been married for many years, and some that are newlyweds; as well as some that have remarried after a divorce. We hope that this will provide wisdom from couples in all stages of life. Once the responses have trickled in, we will begin sharing the response to two questions a week with each couples' response kept anonymous so they can be transparent.

To facilitate this, we have come up with a questionnaire. Today, I wanted to share that questionnaire with you for two reasons: 1) So you can tell us if there are other questions you would like added. 2) So you can let us know if you and your spouse would like to fill one out. 3) Send answers to [email protected]!

Marriage Questions:
1. What was it that initially attracted you to your spouse? Is that still what you find most attractive about them today? If not, what is?

2. When you got married, how did you work toward a having a foundation in Christ? Did you prioritize your spiritual walks? Do you feel that seeking God together has affected your marriage in a positive way? If so, how?

3. What is one of your favorite dates to go on or thing to do together? And why?

4. What has been the biggest struggle you have faced thus far in your marriage? How did you work through it?

5. What has been the biggest joy you have shared together in your marriage?

6. How have you grown closer since your wedding day? How have you combated the temptation to drift apart?

7. In your opinion, what do you think the biggest challenges to marriages in general are?

8. Has prayer played a role in your marriage? If so, how?

9. How do you protect your marriage from Satan’s darts of temptation? (Unlike #4, this is a question not about your greatest struggle, but how you have proactively avoided pitfalls. This may be anything. i.e. the temptation of growing to close to someone of the opposite sex, pornography, money conflicts, etc.)

10. What advice would you want to give to other married couples, especially newlyweds?

Wait because he is worthy. Keep the waters of your spirit sweet. Befriend stillness.
            -Alicia Britt Chole from Anonymous


What things sneak into your soul and steal your joy?

Those same things often affect our marriage and spouse by proxy.

Last week, I admitted to the temptation I have toward envy and bitterness. Today, I would like to take it a step further and look at what places us on slippery ground where we find ourselves struggling. Two things I have pinpointed in my own life are 1) Lack of communion with God and 2) my attitude about specific circumstances in life.

Lack of Communion with God

When I allow the busyness of life to draw me away from God, I often find myself unfocused, stressed, and often out of touch with Mitch. The weeks that I seep my heart in God’s word and lift up praise and my anxieties to God in prayer I find more peace, more direction, more joy, and more intimacy in marriage.

My Attitude

Too often I let circumstances dictate my attitude. I know that I have a choice and that my reaction to circumstances forms my attitude; yet, discouragement, fears of failure, and frustration are strong emotions to overcome. If my attitude sours, it leads to more confusion, conflict, and negative communication within my marriage. It becomes something that  permeates more than just myself.

Fortunately, if we let Him, God can reach down and redirect where our steps have gone astray. . . God did this for me through my husband’s prayerful spirit and encouragement, one of Mitch’s good friend’s blog, and through one of my all time favorite books:

Mitch bathes me in prayer, love, and encouragement on hard days. Even on days that I am not the nicest to him. He helps me redirect my attitude and focus.

Andrew Miller has a blog at andhedrew.com. His mission statement is “AndHeDrew.com is here to inspire and equip people who care to make the world a more beautiful place through art and human connection.”  In his blog he brings forth inspiration and encouragement, but he also presents challenges to help people live a better life. On many occasions, it has helped me put things in perspective and conquer fears.

Anonymous by Alicia Britt Chole was a book I first read in college at “Cinnamon Buns with Jesus” (an all girls book and Bible study) and it has remained one of my favorites. I have probably read it three times and am starting it again. It speaks to my soul, challenges me, and moves me closer to God. It is about how we approach the “anonymous season of the soul” where “you’re living in the gap between your dreams and life’s realities”. Her writing is beautiful; though it is prose, it reads like poetry. She also has more insight than almost anyone I have met.

- Nathana


Questions:
What hinders you from communing with God?
How do you proactively protect your attitude and heart from negativity?
Is there a resource or person that challenges you to be a better you?
How does your closeness with God and attitude positively or negatively affect your marriage relationship?

    Today is going to be a short, but very important message that I’ve been thinking about all week.

    Lately, I’ve been asking myself about how to better show my love to the people around me. Our family is really at a very important point here as we take over the youth ministry full time. It puts us in a position that is dedicated to the betterment of others. So how do you communicate care, love, and authenticity to those that you have just met? How do you positively effect others that you know very well (such as your spouse)? I think it has to do with consistency.

    If you can push yourself to be there for people unconditionally, it will speak volumes to who you are and your intentions. Being dependable in someone’s life will show them that you have integrity and are genuine. Just be present and intentional. Others will start to realize that when you say something, you mean it. This is a gift all on its own. It doesn’t matter what you say or really do as long as you are there. Your presence is all they need.

    Be like the North Star. For centuries sailors, explorers, and vagabonds have used  this reliable star to help them find their way when lost. It can be depended on because it is steadily there. May your life be a star that doesn’t go out. May you shine love on others always. May your motto be:

                                                        This

                                                        Star
            
                                                       Won’t

                                                         Go

                                                        Out!

    I pray that this weekend and coming week will be a great one for you. Know that we love you and want to be there consistently for you.

Questions
Who is the most consistent person in your life?
What does your spouse do for you consistently?

Thanks guys!

-Mitch

* “This Star Wont Go Out” is also the name of an awesome foundation dedicated to financially assist families struggling through the journey of a child living with cancer. Their website is www.tswgo.com and you can buy a really cool “tswgo” bracelett for $5 from http://dftba.com/product/wv/This-Star-Wont-Go-Out-ADULT-SIZE-bracelet and all the proceeds (minus shipping) go to the foundation. Check out this awesome cause!