The Reality of Wealth

A rich man may be wise in his own eyes, but a poor man who has discernment sees through him.
-Proverbs 28:11

A faithful man will be richly blessed, but one eager to get rich will not go unpunished.
-Proverbs 28:20

    Today, Mitch and I spent a solid chunk of time facing down some financial decisions. I am proud of how we shifted through the details; yet it was challenging. (This is an area of our marriage we poured a lot of work into. In our premarital counseling we talked a lot about handling finances together because we knew we had slightly differing values.) Over the past year and a half, we developed a rhythm with our budget that simply worked. It was rare that we had to change much and when we did, we just tweaked it. Now, we are calculating for a couple months that will be uncharted territory. As we gear up to move across the country as well as manage some unexpected expenses, I noticed that I was worrying more and more about all there was to sort out and how it would affect our savings. Fortunately, in the midst of all of this God stepped in and reminded me of the reality of wealth. As Mitch and I read a chapter in Proverbs this morning I found myself underlining Proverbs 28:11 and 28:20. They made me ponder what is true wealth? What makes a person rich? These verses reminded me that there are numerous forms of wealth that are not monetary.
    It is easy to think that “If we just had more money, all of our problems would be fixed.” However, the Bible suggests that wealth can actually be a burden and simpler circumstances a blessing. The rich young ruler that encountered Jesus realized this and left Jesus weighted down by his wealth. It’s evident in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes that even Solomon in all of his splendor saw the emptiness of physical riches. Proverbs highlights in so many ways that if a man has wisdom, he is far better off than a man in possession of great riches. As I read Proverbs 28:20, I could not help but think, God does not promise that a faithful man will be rich, rather that he will be blessed. Blessings are rarely monetary. When I count my blessings, I think of the joy of friends, family, and God's grace, not my bank account. Granted, I do recognize how God provides financially, but that is more of a meeting of needs rather than an abundance of wealth. When I look back on my life, I hope I don’t measure my success or worth in dollars, but rather in relationships and love.
    All of that said, it is no secret that financial stress is one of the primary reasons for divorce. As Mitch and I assessed our student loans, mutual funds, and our savings and checking accounts, it became increasingly aware that finances can so easily breed bitterness and feelings of opposing one another if you are not careful. On the flip side, if you and your spouse put forth the effort to communicate clearly and be a united front, money matters can be deal with effectively using the tools of wisdom and love. We have found that creating common goals before we look at the monetary details helps us handle it as a team and seek God’s wisdom throughout the endeavor. Discussing expectations is also crucial to handling money matters in a mutually beneficial way. I also thank God for friends and family that have showed us how to put God first through giving and generosity, and to trust him to provide the rest. Finances can be a blessing or a curse, but they are what you make them.

Questions:
1. How do you and your spouse work through tough financial decisions and situations?
2. How has God blessed your life and marriage in ways that are not money based?

Jer 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

    This week I’ve been thinking a lot about just how God decides to intercede in our lives. Sometimes life is messy and doesn't always work the way that you think it should. One of my favorite movies when I was younger was “Unbreakable”. It was written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan and stared Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson. Maybe you’ve seen it, but if you haven’t it’s a movie based around the idea that superheroes can be real people. They may just look a little different than what you would expect. Anyway, Willis plays a guy named David who is the soul survivor of a train wreck and this, in turn, makes Jackson think that this may have a special gift. There is a line that has always stuck with me. Jackson’s character says: “It's alright to be afraid, David, because this part won't be like a comic book. Real life doesn't fit into little boxes that were drawn for it.” It’s always stuck with me because so often I try and draw life into little segments that work for me. I have my friends, family, church, work, marriage, interests, beliefs, and even God in their own confinements. But the more I try to keep the boxes closed and sealed, the more they want to break out and ruin my perfect plan for it all. But that is just it. I’m trying to deal with my own plan. I have to remember that it’s not about my plans at all. God is in control! Even when it feels like you have been forgotten by God, life doesn't make sense, and it seems you can't catch a break, there is a master plan to it all.
    This has become all too apparent to me within the last several weeks. As Nathana said on the last post, I have been hired by the Northwest Church Of Christ in Glendale, Az as their new Youth and Family Minister. This situation came out of lots of prayers, an equal amount of tears, and things that didn't make sense to us at the time. I have been searching for a youth ministry position for about 2 years. This search has been taken very seriously for the past year with an attempt to contact a new church body every 2 weeks or so. This process was mentally taxing and frankly, spiritually draining. I had my heart broken by several churches that I thought were perfect matches for us. Nathana kept being interviewed by places to work but none of them hired her. We felt like we were stuck. It felt like we had our whole futures ahead of but every time we tried to move forward, the world pushed back. But God had our future in mind the entire time. It wasn’t my plan but sure enough we have landed right where God wanted us to be! He had to take us through some hard times to bring us to where He wanted us. We made it though the desert and we have the promised land in sight. Interestingly enough, the promised land is still in a desert! It’s just one that we want to be in.

Questions:
When was a time that God was preparing you for something that you were totally not expecting?
How has God brought you to the place that you are?

Mitch

This weekend we had the wonderful opportunity to tryout with the Northwest Church of Christ in Glendale, AZ. It was busy to say the least, but we didn’t want it any other way. We wanted to get to know as many people as well as we could in the three and a half days we were there. In addition, we wanted to be an honest representation of ourselves so that they knew what they were getting themselves into! :)
   


    To give some context, over the past few months, the Holy Spirit has been working in our lives. As we prayed for His will in our marriage and future, we often found ourselves waiting. And that was ok. We know God uses that time to prepare and refine us; however, more recently, we have felt God preparing us to leave our nest in York. It has been in small ways; yet, as this opportunity became more apparent we realized that His handiwork was all over it. For that--God be praised! Today, this opportunity became a reality. At the end of June we will be moving to Arizona and Mitch will be working as the Youth and Family Minister with the Northwest Church of Christ. (Please forgive us if our postings get a little sporadic during this time!)
    I am so proud of my husband! Since this opportunity came onto his radar, he has been diligent in his preparation and his prayer over the church and our futures. It will be a big transplant for us and he has been tender toward the fact that it will be difficult on my parents. (I am their only daughter.) Every step of the way, he has sought God’s will. He has navigated us to this point by allowing God to lead him. I can barely contain the joy. I have to be so blessed with a considerate husband and leader! We are both anxious for this new chapter in our lives. I choose the word “anxious” because to me it encompasses both our nervousness about moving so far, but also our excitement and joy.
    Please keep us and the Northwest Church of Christ in your prayers during this time of transition. Also, those of you who have moved far away from family, I would love it if you shared your advice on how to stay connected and make that transition. We feel like we have already followed the “leave and cleave” command in scripture, but this will test it. . .

Questions:
- What is some advice you have for staying connected with family when you live far away?
If you are a couple in ministry, what are some challenges that you have faced in your marriage and what are some good ways to deal with those?
Why is leaving and cleaving so important?

    First, I am so sorry that you haven't heard from me in a while. The pas couple weeks have been nuts in the Clay house! Obviously Nathana has gotten blogs out and I am so proud of her for that. I on the other hand have been in tunnel vision and using my masculine talents of being focused and conqueror of the world around me. Because of this I have not had the chance to write often. For this, I truly apologize.

    Second, it's nice to get back to this!  I've missed just throwing on music and trying to connect my heart to coherent words that will hopefully express my love for you and your marriage.

    Today I would like to talk about something that we have been dealing a lot with lately: Expectations. We all have them. They are what cues your brain into how to feel, act, and respond. Expectations are created in literally seconds but those expectations can last as long ad you allow them to. This could be the next couple of minutes until it gets shaken. This could also become habit, such as racism and prejudice. (let's hope that you are fighting those temptations!) So how do expectations effect our daily lives? Here's an example from the Clay camp...

    Last week Nathana was sick with a cold (during her graduation weekend of course.) We tried to help her get better with a lot of stuff and eventually she got there. Unfortunately, I got sick in the process! We have been dealing with the resulting illness ever since. These past two weeks Nathana and I have found out that with sickness there comes many expectations. They deal with who is going to take care of who and how, importance of rest, importance of staying on top of things, steps worthy being taken in the name of getting better, etc. There were a lot of these running around in our home. There were times that they helped us take care of each other. There were also times that they hindered us and sent mixed messages. So what does this mean for marriages when expectations are in play?

    It's my humble opinion that God gives us each other in order to break people's perceptions of what it means to be human. Not just in marriage but in life. We need others in order to teach us that our expectations are just that: expectations. Something we expect to be true. They are not binding. They are often not true. They are certainly not supposed to be permanent (going back to my idea of racism).

    Nathana and I needed each other to help break each others false and flawed expectations. This is God's desired effect. Truth may be difficult but it is worth it.

Questions: How does your spouse challenge your expectations daily?

-Mitch

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. –Genesis 2:24

    Recently a friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook of her youngest son clasping to his big cup of chocolate milk while taking a nap, the straw a milliliter from his face. Having babysat this boy, I can attest that he does not take a nap, let alone do anything, without his favorite objects with him. He will tote around a big plastic bus, his milk cup, and several other toys all at the same time. He also snuggles with them while sleeping, though hard plastic toys are not my favorite things to cuddle with, who am I to judge? J It is evident that these objects are important to him and he will not let go of them. As husbands and wives, God calls us to “hold fast” or “cleave” to our chosen one, just as this young boy treasures these toys to which he cleaves.
    Last night as Mitch and I were cuddling in bed, it hit me that we get to do this every night! I remember when we were dating and I would daydream about falling asleep and waking up in his arms. As newlyweds, we treasured this daily interaction, this wonderful comfort and symbol of holding fast to one another; yet, last night I had to admit to myself how often I take it for granted and don’t cherish as much as I should. I enjoy it just as much as I did a year and a half ago, but like any good thing that happens frequently, the “specialness” can wear off. Like many things such as love and respect, treasuring and holding fast is a choice we have to make. As I snuggled closer and melted into the safety of my husband’s strong arms, I thanked God for the man he put in my life for me to hold fast to both literally and figuratively.
    Both of these examples are literal interpretations of “holding fast”, but they both illustrate the importance of continuing to treasure our spouse. This is an idea I know we have already discussed at length from thinking about living in the moment with our spouse to affirming them in their love language; nonetheless, it is worth emphasizing. A spouse is the one person who we have chosen to bind our life with, for better or worse. (Family members are usually not our choice.) Remember to treasure and cherish your spouse this week. In other words . . . hold fast to one another!

Questions:
1. What are some ways that we can treasure our spouse?
2.  How do you define “holding fast” or “cleaving” to your spouse?