Genesis 2:18-25 - The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[g] and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[h] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.


    Sometimes I am just in awe of what God has done for His children. It’s beautiful to think that He was such a part of His creation that He noticed that Adam craved something that had not been made yet.

    This astounds me because God finishes His creating with the statement that it was all “Very Good” (Gen 1:31). He looked and surveyed it all and called it enough. He allowed Himself to break and let His creation go to work. In the meantime, we don’t know everything specific that Adam was doing, but we know that he must have looked pretty pathetic wandering around. We know this because God catches on and states that “It is not good for the man to be alone”. (I almost imagine him hanging out with the animals but walking around with his head down and sad Charlie Brown music playing around him).

    I also think it’s interesting that God had Adam look through creation to see if anything was suitable. But there was no animal, bird, or living creature that was a good candidate for man’s helper. I’m sure he found a best friend in a dog and some form of working relationship with a cat, but no specific helper.

    So God created something new. Something that wasn’t just a part of what man craved, but a part of a part of Adam himself. God didn’t create from the void as he did for Earth. He didn’t create from the dust of the Earth as He did for the animals and Adam. He created from something that had the breath of God (Gen 2:7).

    Adam then takes a look at God’s bran new creation and he says, “Woah man! She’s really something! She’s like me!” And that’s exactly how we get the name woman...

    From this moment on, men and women have left all the comforts and understandings of their own families to create one of their own. This is the mystery of God’s Holy Spirit at work within His creation of humans. We crave our helpers. We crave each other. We crave intimacy with the only other suitable thing for us.

    So now that I’ve essentially summarized the scripture itself, I would like to make just one or two points...

1. Created Different
    God created Adam. God created Eve. He did not create them at the same time nor did He create them for the same function. He separated them for a reason. This is shown in how God interacts with them. God commissioned Adam to name the animals and subdue/create dominion over the Earth. Men are task oriented conquerers. This is also apparent in how the Earth rises up against man in the fall. Tasks become harder. Earth becomes more difficult to rule.
    Women are created to be suitable helpers to man. Eve came alongside Adam and filled up the gaps that he could not fill on his own. She helps him explore and take ownership of the land. She feeds her husband (even if it’s the wrong fruit). Her role also shows itself in the fall. Child birth becomes very painful. She also is tempted to rise up and take the reigns from Adam. This shows that women are created to be mothers and all the beautiful qualities that go along with them. They are also called to follow which is a tricky subject. But I do believe that it wouldn’t be a tricky subject if it wasn’t for the fall...

2. Created as Two Halves
    God created Adam apart from Eve but it is also important to note that God created them for each other. Going back to suitable helpers, Man needed someone for his soul to commune with. Nothing else had what he had: God’s blessing. Humans in general carry God’s breath and likeness. Men and women were created for each other. God was obvious and intentional with this. They are different on purpose but they are also the same on purpose.
    Your spouse is your other half. They are an extension of yourself. They are everything that you lack. Men are the doers and conquers that their wives need. Women are the soft bed to come home to. They are what makes overcoming worth it! Women and men may go about things differently but they do by God’s design.

    This week try and see your spouse for who they are. Men, try and view your wives as part of your own very soul and put in your life to help you. Look at them as a third hand to reach out into your world. Women, try and view your husbands as the strong warriors that God created them to be. Look at them as what has been put into your life to protect you and fight in your name.

Questions
    What are some of the hardest gender differences to overcome?
    How can some of these really be blessings in disguise?

    In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Growing together is the goal and the ideal; yet, many marriages drift toward isolation. This week the marriage vocabulary word is a crucial one: Growth. If you are newlyweds, this may not be a pressing issue; but chances are that someday it will be. Knowing this, how can you help to keep positive growth and intimacy in your marriage? Let me propose the idea of continuing education.

1. You have to continue to learn about your spouse. You may think that you know all there is to know about them. Seriously, you could even write their autobiography. The problem here is that no one is static. No one stays the same. We are always changing and developing. The “Girl Known As Nathana” Mitch started dating is not the one he married. I changed, matured, and developed over our 3.5 years of dating. I have changed even more since we married. A speaker in chapel at our school talked about this idea within marriage and how you have to be dedicated to falling in love with your spouse over and over again because they will change. This often connects to the changing seasons of our lives. Mitch will someday have to fall in love again with “Nathana the Mother” since that will undoubtably change me. How can you keep falling in love with your spouse as they develop new facets of themselves? Keep dating! Take a weekly date and time to connect where you can learn to appreciate your spouse for who they are currently, not who you think they are or who they used to be. Mitch is so far from being the man he was when we were first dating. And I am okay with that! He has matured in numerous ways. I have seen his faith grow, his interests diversify, his personality take on new dimensions, his work ethic refine, and his heart take on new challenges. I have learned to fall in love with him over and over. He is not the man I married, but I love him even more than I did on our wedding day.

2. Invest in improving aspects of your marriage. Take time to read books, listen to radio broadcasts, and attend marriage seminars among other things. Marriage is one of the biggest investments you will make. Yet, like any investment in the stock market you can watch it go up or down. I know there are elements in the stock market that are out of our control, just as there are in marriage, but we can still help our investments to grow by depositing money (investment) into them. If we add little by little, we will see them increase. There are great Christian resources for couples on almost any topic: growing together spiritually, improving your sex life, helping build better communication, finding financial security and agreement, understanding each other’s needs, dealing with addictions, healing after infidelity, and the list goes on. I would wager that very few of us have “it all together.” And unless you are one of those in denial, then chances are there are areas in which you could invest more and and would like to see improvement. While dating and now married, Mitch and I have been blessed to come across great resources. I have already talked about some of the books like The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but there are many others that we are excited to share. In order to share more of them, we are starting a book review page on our site. We will both be posting reviews of books we read. Sometimes we will post on the same one so that you can have a female and male perspective. I am excited for you to check out this page! The first book I will be reviewing is The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge. It is a wonderful book for women at any stage in their marriage. I am looking forward to sharing some information about it as well as my review of it! If you are not extremely keen on the reading side of things, there are plenty of other avenues. I love listening to Family Life Today broadcasts on marriage topics. Mitch also has several recordings from a conference he attends that we have listened to by speakers such as Shannon Ethridge. In addition to all of this, there are marriage classes and seminars that many churches put on. One that our church, East Hill Church of Christ, put on last year that was a huge blessing to Mitch and I was the “Act of Marriage” workshop. In a past post I also mentioned the “Weekend to Remember Getaway” for couples. I would highly encourage you to look up these events in your area. You can check out sites such as http://www.familylife.com/ and local Christian radio sites such as http://www.mybridgeradio.net/community/calendar/2012/04

Questions:
What are some ways that you have found to invest in your marriage?
If you are married, have you experienced the need to “fall in love” again with your spouse yet?

Have a great Tuesday!
Nathana

Matt 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

    As stated on Facebook last night, 2 Becoming 1 took a sabbatical to refresh our own spirits. We drove to Lincoln to spend some quality time together and to go shopping.

    Now, the idea of shopping is typically something that I would not be excited for. In fact, the usual scenario is Nathana goes around enjoying herself, fully absorbed in the simple joys of fabrics, colors, and day dreams about how outfits could be used for different occasions. I then in turn have found the closest clothing rack, grabbed what I needed within 7 minutes and find myself doomed to the next several hours of following around my beautiful wife and unintentionally (but certainly and indefinitely) raining on her good mood. But this trip was different. I actually came up with the idea and sprung it on her! So now you may be asking yourself why I would be willing to put us through another one of these ordeals. The reason is that we had some very good reasons to shop! I needed a couple new additions to my professional wardrobe.

    For almost a year I have been searching very hard for a full time youth ministry position. Well we have been talking to a church in Glendale, AZ for awhile now. We have had a phone interview and an online video conference with the search team and they have now asked us to come down for a face-to-face interview and tryout! This is huge for us because it allows us to meet them and they get to meet us. We think that we are better in person (so if you only know us through this blog, we really should hang out sometime!) The trip will allow us to be ourselves with them.

    But no good thing comes without a price. We have been having some very involved conversations about what life would look like in the Phoenix region with full time ministry and starting a new life. All of these things are wonderful opportunities but they are scary!

    What if we go down there and it turns out that we really were better on paper than what we are in real life? What if they hate us and hire someone else? What if we don’t know how to connect to the teenagers or their parents? What if they expect us to be something we aren’t? What if, what if, what if!

    And even though I have these worries, doubts, fears, and uncertainties, I have to believe that the Lord has a plan for us. I have to believe that He works in all things even when we don’t see his hand. It was this belief that brought us to this point in our lives to begin with!

Jer 29:11-13: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

    As we were driving back to good ole’ York, Nebraska we decided to find some music on the radio (which we hardly ever do. I’m a firm believer in my playlists on my mp3 player). The very first radio station that Nathana found was playing “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin. I literally laughed out loud. What a beautiful reminder about the beauty that God has laced His world with. When in doubt, trust the Lord. Allow Him to get you through. Don’t worry. Be happy. Glorify God!

Questions for discussion:

How does your inclination for worry break down your relationship with God and your spouse? Do you have any tips that you can share?

In Him
- Mitch

“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another; if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”
-Colossians 3:12-14

    As I read both the Old and New Testament, it strikes me the lengths God goes to in order to restore relationships. His primary focus is between Himself and his people, but also between His people on Earth. In the Old Testament this included the Israelites, and later in the New Testament husbands and wives, masters and servants, parents and children, or those in the body of Christ. Over and over He strives to lead people into a genuine relationship with Him and a grace-filled relationship with others. Thinking about this led me to make the marriage vocabulary for this week be the word “healthy”. I do not mean the physicality of health, but the emotional and spiritual health of a relationship that God calls us to in scripture.

    Unfortunately, we are a stubborn people. We sell ourselves over to Satan’s schemes that lead us into the pitfalls of selfishness, bitterness, jealousy, and dissension of many types. Our marriages are not exempt from these leeches of health. In fact, I would go as far as to say that Satan targets them even more heavily. Marriage is one of the most important earthly relationships we will form. We choose one person with which we spend the rest of our lives, build a home, form a family unit, and serve God. For these reasons, and for the simple fact that we will spend more time with our spouse than anyone else, marriages can suffer from many pitfalls and ailments.

    How do we protect our marriages? As I was reading Colossians 3, I felt as though God wrote out a prescription for healthy relationships. Let’s take a closer look! He calls us to put eight main characteristics into practice.

1. Tender Mercies. In my mind, tenderness is linked with gentleness. Oftentimes, I envision a girl gently petting a kitten; but I think that when it is used in the Bible it references more of the attitude we approach problems with. Do I rush in and forcefully try to put things right? Or do I take time to consider the feelings of the person I am dealing with and proceed with those in mind? Mercy is also a powerful action. It means acting with compassion when it is within our control and possibly right to punish someone. When I think of mercy, I think of not getting what I deserve or not giving someone else what they deserve. For a basic example, imagine that you are speeding down the highway going 15 miles over the speed limit and a policeman pulls you over, but only gives you a warning. That is mercy. The policeman is not giving you what you rightly deserve, a ticket.

2. Kindness. Treating someone as Christ would without expecting them to return such treatment to you is the challenge of kindness. Sadly, in our society we are trained to offer kindness through customer service to strangers, but we often lack it within our own homes. I know I have experienced bad days at work or school and come home and if Mitch did the slightest thing to offend me, all of a sudden he becomes the target of my built up frustration from the day. It should not be this way. Yes, he can help me unload the hurt, but he should never be the surrogate for my anger caused by others.

3. Humility. The willingness to put someone else above yourself. In a practical way, I think that means not always having to be right. Sometimes in arguments, it doesn’t take long for the initial reason to be lost; yet, it can be nursed for days because of the desire to be right or to win. Christ exemplified humbleness to the point of giving up his heavenly status and coming to Earth to serve people that would eventually crucify him. But he did it out of love. We can be humble toward our spouse out of love for them as well.

4. Meekness. I think that in our culture we misunderstand meekness. Many interpret it as meaning that we let someone walk all over us. In reality, meekness is more of a softness or gentleness. It goes back to what I discussed with tenderness. It is a way of approaching problems and a way of dealing with others that considers their feelings. In its origins in Middle English it means to be courteous.

5. Longsuffering. In biblical Greek, longsuffering is the literal translation of the word patience. However, I think that “longsuffering” defines itself. Sometimes we have to suffer a long time, but it is the right thing to do. We are told that God is longsuffering toward us, wanting all people to be saved. God has patience with us as he waits for us to get our act together and he calls us to be patient with one another. This trait can make a huge difference. Mitch shows me patience every day. It is one of his qualities that I value the most.

6. Bearing with one another. People are not always easy to be around. That includes our spouse. Nonetheless, God calls us to bear with them. Don’t be quick to dismiss them. People will step on your toes, push your buttons, and to put it plainly, irritate you. Yet, we still need to put up with them. This doesn’t sound glamorous, and it’s not. I understand it more by thinking of all the times Christ must be frustrated with me, but bears with me due to his patience or longsuffering.

7. Forgiving one another. No marriage will last (or if it does, be healthy) without forgiveness! No relationship of any kind for that matter. When we refuse to forgive, we nurse our wounds and let in the infection of bitterness. I have made this mistake in friendships and greatly regretted it. Once bitterness takes root, it is very hard to get rid of. If you give it even an inch in your marriage, it will take a mile. It corrupts the whole being. God knows that forgiveness helps heal our hearts and prevent the coldness and bitterness that would otherwise develop. This passage in Colossians (as well as others in the Bible, Matthew 6:14-15) make it very clear that God expects us to forgive others just as he forgave us. It is not a recommendation, it is a command.

8. Love. Paul writes and tells us that love is the bond of perfection (God is love and God is perfect). He also tells us “but above all things, put on love.” Love is the key. It is not the ooeey gooey love that enables us to be merciful, kind, humble, meek, patient, and forgiving. It is the unconditional love of God that transforms us despite our human sinfulness. “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Cor. 13:1-2). We cannot truly accomplish anything good without love. “And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” (1 Cor. 13:13).

    A healthy relationship will have all of these traits. But transcending it all, a healthy relationship will have God’s love. Our motivation to be forgiving, patient, and humble is love. If we love and value our spouse and allow God to work in our hearts, these signs of health will begin to appear more and the ailments of bitterness, selfishness, jealousy, and dissension will be less.

Questions:
Are there other symptoms of healthy relationships that you would add to this list?
What are some other scriptures where God points us toward how to have healthy relationships? (i.e. 1 Cor. 13).

Thank you for reading! Have a great Tuesday!
Nathana

Mitch and I have repeatedly mentioned Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages assuming that most people would be familiar with it. We have also tried to outline his principles. However, if you have not had time to read the book yet and want to know more about what it is all about, check out this program on the Family Life Today website. It is Gary Chapman himself talking about the five love languages. It is very funny and even though Mitch and I know the basics, it was a great reminder for us!
http://www.familylife.com/search-results?searchText=past+programs
Enjoy the program and have a wonderful Monday!

Jer 1:4-8: The word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

“Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.

    Just sit on that for a moment. How amazing is that? This is incredible! God Himself tells Jeremiah that before he was ever even a thought in his parents' minds, God knew him. God understood, memorized, loved him. God was close and intimate with Jeremiah’s soul before it ever took shape. This is almost overwhelming to me. To know that God understands who I am is overwhelming as it is. But to understand that God had me in mind even before I had a chance to become anything is just awe-some. Know what's even more amazing?

    God knows you just as well.

                                                        Scary, huh?

                                                                                             But also beautiful!

    God knew that you would marry your spouse before you were even born. This makes this other person incredibly important (as if they weren't already)! God intended these two souls that he knew from before your history even started to be one. To borrow some ideas from Nathana, God made your union happen. God was intentional about this relationship that he has given. He had betrothed your souls before you even met. How cool is that?

    Before I go on to make the overall point, I want to make something clear. This doesn’t mean that you didn’t have free will in the matter. We have choice in every way, shape, and form. It is what our faith is based upon. To go back to something from my post last week, you could have chosen anyone out of the (almost) 7 billion people on Earth. But you didn’t. You chose your spouse. That doesn’t mean that you didn’t have to option. It is just the opposite. You made the choice! It just so happens that God knew this would happen before you did. He led you to the other. Your souls had already been intertwined.

    With that out of the way, my point is simple but difficult: Glorify God. That’s it. Nothing more; nothing less. It’s all you need. This is the only reason to be alive at all...

    God knew you before you were born. But He didn’t waste His time. He spent it on you. He sowed your life and future together. After He created the world and all of it’s contents, He declared it “Very good”.  (He still does.) Because of this, I believe that we owe Him this life back. We owe Him ourselves.

Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. - 1 Peter 2:12

    I'm not going to really go into how to do this in this posting. I feel like this is pretty much an all encompassing pattern that we should apply to our lives. Like I said, it is really that simple. It doesn't make it easy though...

Question: Is there really such thing as a soulmate?
    If not, why?
    If so, what role does God play in this relationship?

We love you guys and have a great weekend!

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. –Genesis 2:24

    Recently a friend requested that we discuss unity in marriage in our blog. As I was turning the idea over in my mind, it clicked that “unity” is the basis of God’s design for marriage. God melds two unique individuals together to make one unit. Society tells us that it means a shared living space, family, and maybe a shared bank account. However, in God’s design to spiritually unite you to your spouse, it takes a willingness to put someone else above yourself, which is quite the undertaking since most of us are all self-centered by nature. This week we will explore unity, our marriage vocabulary word of the week and five ways we can nurture it in our marriages.

1.  Togetherness and communication
    At the basic level of unity of any type, there is togetherness or time spent together. However, this needs to be quality time (much like Mitch talked about on Saturday). This is time that you appreciate sharing with your spouse. While watching TV together is not bad (we do it fairly often), turn it off once and awhile so you can catch up on one another’s lives. Mitch and I have decided that though we like to watch TV during dinner, Sunday morning breakfast and Tuesday night dinners are times that we will turn it off and simply have conversation together. We have enjoyed some wonderful bible studies and discussions over dinner since making this decision. True togetherness will allow for communication, and communication is 100% necessary to create unity. It aides you in staying on the same page and enables you to make decisions as a couple. Unity in decision-making will be a blog unto itself someday, but it requires listening to your spouse, and at times, putting their needs above your own.

2. Putting God’s will first and spiritual unity
    One of the most beautiful aspects of marriage is the spiritual unity. To have unity, you choose to lay your soul bare before your Creator and the person to which he has bonded you. One specific way that you can build this spiritual unity is to seek God and his will together. Mitch and I have found that we feel so much closer and more united after praying together or reading God’s word together. The weeks that we suffer from the most conflict we often look back and realize that we let busyness rob us of our prayer time or bible study time together. When that happens, we allow Satan a foothold and opportunity to whisper selfish desires to us. His will also leads us as we make difficult decisions together. Petitioning God in prayer and seeking his will in challenging matters and major life decisions helps us to be more united as we make the choices with more clarity and confidence.

3. Supporting each other
    This one may make you say, “no duh Nathana!” Nevertheless, I have seen so many couples and families fractured because the husband and wife seemed to be playing for different teams. Support is more than just being there for your spouse, it means backing them up, standing up for them, and working together. This applies to varies aspects of marriage and family. A very wise man once told Mitch and I that one of the things that damaged his first marriage was their lack of unity over how to raise children. I think this is one many of us can relate to, even if we don’t have kids. I remember knowing that my chances were greater if I asked my mom for a shirt or dress I wanted than my dad, but I knew that if I wanted to go over to a friend’s house, my dad was the one I should ask. It is a minor example, but if parents are split over how to discipline and raise children, it has the potential to lead to major conflict within the marriage and family.
    Supporting each other also applies to other areas of life such as financial decisions. Mitch and I were worried about this area during our engagement. We knew that we had slightly different values when it came to money management and statistics show finances as a major contributor to divorces. To resolve our worries, we discovered that we had to dream together and set goals and then mutually translate those into what our financial decisions would look like. For example, we both want to lead as debt free of lives as possible; however, we now have student loans to start paying back. We decided that we would like to have them paid off within the next ten years. So now, we plan accordingly when we make our budget each month. Whenever possible, we put more money than required toward paying them off. This idea of goals leads into my next point. . .

4. Creating common goals that help you have “one mind”
    Christ calls his believers to strive to be of “one mind”; I think it is equally important for us to be of one mind with our spouse. How can we have this one mind? It begins by setting and striving for common goals. When two people are working on a common goal, they tend to accomplish more than when two people work on two different goals. It is common sense. A house divided won’t stand and a married couple divided will face many more issues. Don’t miss interpret me as saying that you will and must always agree with your spouse. If you have been married for even a week, you know that to be false. However, we need to communicate through the differences until we can come into an agreement that will be the foundation of common goals.

5. Physically joining together as one flesh
    Hopefully this is the fun one for you! (In case you are still in the dark, I am referring to sex.) Sexual hang-ups are frequent and may come from numerous past or present issues, but never forget that God’s design for sex is good and for our enjoyment within marriage. If you are married, joining together in sex is not dirty, rather beautiful. Read the Song of Songs and you will see that God created us to join together physically and to love it! Please, don’t neglect this aspect of your marriage. It will help you grow toward unity, not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally. Sex is not a purely physical interaction; it involves your heart and soul. Some great books, that we will hopefully do book reviews for soon, are Sheet Music by Dr.Kevin Leman, Sex God by Rob Bell, and The Sexually Confident Wife by Shannon Ethridge. These are all Christian authors that take a Biblical approach to our sexuality, especially our sex life within marriage. I highly encourage you to check them out, even if your sex life is stellar!

    As much as I hope and pray that these five ideas will help move you toward unity in your marriage, I know that there are many other aspects to unity as well. You may still have question such as “What does it look like?” and “How exactly do my spouse and I work toward a unified front when we see things so differently?” In the future, we will revisit this idea in more depth. But for now, please, share your input in the comments so that Mitch and I and others can be edified in our journey toward greater unity!

Questions:
1. Are there other ways that you believe a couple should be united?
2. When do you feel most unified with your spouse or what helps you be unified?
3. How do you and your spouse work through differences to reach unity?

Thank you for reading and have an amazing Tuesday!
Nathana