As humans, we are great at constructing walls. Look at the Great Wall of China, the former Berlin Wall, and figuratively, our psychological ability to construct mental walls. Our walls keep things in and out.

What walls are you building? Are your walls a result of living in sin or avoiding God?

I love the book of Isaiah because we see God’s love for his people. He pursues them and sets forth beautiful declarations of his love and mercy in images of how wonderful their lives would be if they turned back to him. Unfortunately, they continue to go their own direction for so long that they can no longer hear his voice. They ask prophets to cease speaking his messages. Instead of turning back to the giver of life, they pursue what they want, rather than what God wants. God's people create a barrier between themselves and their creator: Sovereign Lord and king.
God sees this and sadly remarks

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it." –Isaiah 30:15

The words “but you would have none of it”, awoke something in me today. God wants to make things right. His desire is for us to repent, rest, and take peace in the salvation he offers. I know I am guilty of forging ahead on my own when I should slow down, seek quietness, and trust him to be my strength. Repentance, rest, quietness, and trust. None of these things are repulsive or demanding! They should make my spirit sing! Yet, when I repeatedly fail to seek God, I feel like there is wall or separation that makes it hard to reconnect.

Reading Isaiah today and thinking about how Jesus came down to earth for us reminded me that no gulf is too wide, no sin too great, and no wall to tall to keep God from His people. Jesus came to bring us in contact with the Father. He is our great High Priest. When Jesus died, the veil that separated man from the Holy of Holies in the temple was torn. The whole Bible pulses with this message: turn back to God, turn away from your old ways. He begs us to answer his call to trust him to be our strength whatever storm may come. I hope these words breathe the peace and strength into your heart that they did into mine. I need reminded daily how passionately God loves me, loves us: his people, his bride.

(Sidenote) Not all walls are bad. I have heard about people putting "hedges" around their marriage. This means they are striving to protect their marriage from outside temptations. That is a smart type of wall. Though, as John Acuff points out in his book “Stuff Christians Like”, hedges are kinda wimpy. So, I am going to opt for a nice, tall concrete wall guarded by angels.

One thing that I truly love about being in Christ is the community that comes with it. Honestly, you could join a lot of clubs in life, dedicated to any number of things: books, health, public speaking, playing games, socializing, dating, even fandom. In each of these social networks/clubs, you will find people that you enjoy being around. But I have a hard time thinking about any kind of organization that will come with a community that is involved in your personal life as the body of Christ. Once you decide that you are all in with Jesus (and even before that point) you are automatically injected into a body of supporters, cheerleaders, friends, and family. You are blood related. 

You are adopted as one of their own.

We see this idea explained by Paul while talking about Fighting against sinful nature in Romans 8:12-16, “Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.”

It’s a beautiful relationship. God loves on you so that you can love on others. He gives you the ability to reach out and affect lives for Him. Unfortunately though, there is something that gets in the way; something that holds us back. Intentional or not, there will always be a wall to climb over. So what is this mysterious force that sabotages us from the start?

Ourselves

We con ourselves into believing that we have very little worth from the start. There is now way that when someone asks how we are doing, they actually care about the response. People never care that much. They don’t really expect honesty.  We tell ourselves that it’s a pleasantry. It doesn't matter, anyway. Why tell the truth? So we default to our standard response, “Fine.”

Fine is the perfect response of you want to keep someone at an arm’s length. You aren't admitting to personal failure or a broken spirit. It doesn't give a window into your doubts, fears, or wrongs. And yet, at the very same time, it doesn't show your personal victories or on-goings in your world. It doesn't warrant celebration or congratulatory obligations.

Fine is average. Fine is passing. Fine is C+. Fine works just fine.

Which makes it every Christian’ favorite four letter ‘f-word.’

And really, that really is (dare I say it…) fine. It’s your choice. Some would just rather stay at an arm’s length. There really are those who use the, “Hey! How are ya?” as a pleasantry and noting deeper.  But what if they weren't? What if, by all impossible standards, they really do want to know about you, how you are, and how they can be praying for you? What then? You have just shut out a beautiful and tangible way to allow someone into your world.

Proverbs 24:26 says, “An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship.” Isn't that what we want? Friendship? A friend that will share our lives with our hopes and struggles attached? Isn't this also what is offered more often than not within the Lord’s church?

So, next time someone that you trust asks you how you are and you have some time to give, answer honestly. Open yourself to the possibility that someone actually cares. 

Don’t answer with, “Oh, F***!”

The story of Martha in the New Testament was one of those Bible stories that was covered and recovered in children’s classes. I think it was popular because the moral was always the same—get your priorities right and take time for God. Since I was young, I have pitied Martha for getting it wrong. I understood her perspective--she was a hostess and wanted to serve. To my joy, last week we covered this story in an adult class and I discovered that I was not the only “Martha sympathizer”. The teacher even went as far as to praise Martha’s actions and propose the thought that Jesus was not trying to dishonor her service, but rather make the point that in that moment, Mary had chosen the better option.  

Laying aside the busyness and demands of the day to sit at Jesus’ feet and soak in his presence and teaching.

That was what Mary chose and what Martha gave up. Not being able to see what was most important and really worth her time was Martha’s shortcoming. It is also mine most days.

After a busy week I found myself stressed as I looked around the apartment at all of the chores that needed done: cleaning the bathroom, laundry, mopping, grocery shopping, oh, and more laundry! I had just returned home from a going away party for a coworker, which I got desperately lost trying to find (I drove around for over an hour before I found it), and I had three hours before I needed to be somewhere else. Mitch also had those three hours open before he had to fly off in a different direction. In my accumulated frustrated with our laundry heap, I completely missed his signals to steal a couple hours reconnecting. As we were preparing to conquer yet another fun, but busy evening, he expressed that he had hoped we could have spent the afternoon together since this week we had not been able to allocate much “us” time.

In that moment, I felt much like what Martha must have felt like when Jesus replied to her stressed pleadings. I was overwhelmed by the demands of the day so much so that I let something infinitely valuable slip through my grasp. If I could, I would go back and take that chance to connect with Mitch; just as I suppose Martha would go back and take that chance to sit at Jesus’ feet and learn. This week I pray that I learn from my mistakes.

Questions for thought:

1.      What are you overlooking due to busyness that may be more worthy of your time?
2.      Do you relate to Martha? If so, how?

Self-doubt, a lack of confidence in your own abilities, and a constant state of worry. When I think of what insecurity means, these are some things that come to mind. 

In many ways, I feel like my whole life has been an awkward dance with insecurity. Don’t get me wrong—I am comfortable and happy with who I am and the gifts God has granted me (though maybe not so confident in using them). To risk generalizing, I think that as women we need more affirmation of our husbands’ love and attraction. 

Insecurities come into play in the workplace and at home. They create an interesting dynamic within marriage, usually not a good one. I think as women we are prone to certain types of insecurities more than others; for example, we tend to be more worried about our appearance and weight. However, we are not alone in our struggle, through reading the book For Women Only one of the most surprising things I discovered was that most men also feel very insecure, especially when it comes to their jobs and providing for their families, they just tend to be better at disguising it.

I wish I could offer up some balm or cure-all advice to rid our lives of insecurity—but I am still searching myself. However, I have found some core ideas to hang onto when insecurity rises up in your mind and tells you that you are not good enough, not worthy, not loved, or whatever lies it may try to plant.

1.      Actually Listen when your spouse or someone else affirms you. Too often I blow off affirmation. Sometimes I suspect people of stroking my ego to make me feel better. But I have learned how to discern what is genuine affirmation and encouragement. Hang on to genuine affirmation. 

2.      Hang onto God’s truth. This is common advice—but it is powerful when actually practiced. Take more time in prayer to connect to the Holy Spirit because one of the Holy Spirit’s roles is to lead us to truth (John 16:13). The Holy Spirit can also fill us with boldness, the opposite of insecurity, (Peter and John are filled with boldness by the Spirit in Acts 4, see verse 31). Prayer can also allow us to lay our worries and insecurities at the feet of our God who cares (Philippians 4:6-7). If we are doing these things, it is easier to fill our hearts and minds with truth, not Satan’s lies (Philippians 4:8-9). Finally, find some scriptures that you can cling to when you feel small and weak. Here is one of mine:

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grace, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. –Psalms 16:8-11


Do you have any advice to share about how you deal with your insecurities? Share in the comments!

- Nathana

PS: Mitch will be sharing the "male" side of insecurity later this week!

When our sister-in-law, Tressa, returned from her 11 month, 11 country mission trip through the world race she brought us back a hand-made poster from Africa. It is titled "A Successful Marriage" and has a list, complete with Bible verses, to outline what creates a happy marriage. As I was thinking about what to write, I thought, I should share this! It hits on so many of the things that we have talked about and has great biblical connections! So here it is!

1. Treat Marriage as Sacred.
Matthew 19:4-6
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

2. Speak Respectfully.
Proverbs 12:18
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

3. Practice Kindness and Compassion.
Ephesians 4:32
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

4. Don't Hastily Take Offence.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit,
    for anger resides in the lap of fools.

5. Know When to Keep Quiet.
James 1:19
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

6. Show Humility.
Philippians 2:3
3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

7. Listen with Empathy.
Romans 12:15
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

8. Make it a Habit of Expressing Appreciation.
Colossians 3:15
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

9. Be Quick to Forgive.
Ephesians 4:26
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

10. Stay Committed to Your Mate.
Matthew 19:6
6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

11. Self-sacrifice Reinforces Commitment.
Philippians 2:4
4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

12. But Most Important, Love One Another Deeply from the Heart.
1 Peter 1:22
22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

    A couple months ago, our minister, Wyane, preached a sermon series on the marriage covenant. In his first sermon he quoted a section of scripture that I had heard parts of quoted, but never in the larger context. Powerful words with a straight-forward message: Keep the faith by keeping your covenants.
    In Malachi 2:10, Judah is rebuked for breaking their covenant of faith with God by marrying foreign gods. The imagery of God’s people as his bride, is beautiful, stirring, and striking. But, the chapter continues.

    God is clear on his design and what brings him disappointment in his children. Neglecting to keep the faith in our marriages, like other sins, forms a wall between us and God. In some ways even more so because of the covenant we made with our spouse. Our wedding day might create a vow between two people; but, God is also our witness! He is a part of that covenant; he makes the husband and wife one is flesh and spirit.

    There are two things I would like to draw out of this passage:

1. It is a violent act to divorce. To divorce is to rip apart a covenant that makes two people one in spirit and flesh. It also tears apart families. It is not a clean process; it is bloody, messy, and damaging. God wants “Godly offspring” that includes his children that are entering into marriage covenants, but also the children that are blessed to that husband and wife. Both are injured in the breaking apart of marriages. Now, I have known people who were in very harmful marriages and I feel like God has blessed them since their first marriage with a second beautiful marriage covenant. However, out of all the cases of divorce, this is very rarely the case and often still could have been avoided if both spouses treated the covenant with honor and respect.

2. Our marriages should be a priority in our lives. God makes it clear that He hates divorce and it is violent. He also reminds us that keeping the faith in our marriage affects our relationship with Him. We need to attend to the preservation and prosperity of our marriages. If we are seeking to have hearts like God, we need to value and cherish what he values.

Questions:
1. How can you better value and cherish your spouse and marriage covenant?
2. “Keeping the faith” is a big idea. I believe that it entails more than just being sexually faithful. Do you agree or disagree? Why?

     When you live with someone and share close quarters, chances are that you get to know them in ways that well, humanize them. I think this is a beautiful thing! Our fallen world is full of dehumanization from the hands and minds of racists, the porn industry, and even many media groups. We do not value many people as humans, rather we see them as  subhuman or as sex objects. On the flip side, there are the ideals that are set before us in "happily ever after" fairy tales and Disney movies. (Oh, and cough, cough, Twilight.) Too many girls and even guys live with unobtainable expectations for their mate.
    See your mate for who they are: the good, the weird, the flawed. God calls us to love each other where we are and to remain faithful and committed. (1 Corinthians 13).
    This does not mean that we permit abuse or overlook bad habits. Rather, that we encourage one another as we face life day to day. The point I am trying to make is that I have seen far too many people give up on their marriages. There are many reasons people use, but the thing I hear expressed most often is a sense of disappointment: what they hoped for never happened. After you get married the glitter and glam fades away. It is only a matter of time before even Edward quits glittering to Bella! Too often I hear, "You will know what I mean when you have been married for 20 years. . . " or demeaning complaints about husbands too dense to even find the ketchup in the fridge.
    I am happy to say that I still love Mitch, even after living with him and adjusting to humanizing things like morning breath and water spots on the bathroom sink. (Just as I am sure he has experienced many humanizing things living with me. . . ) He is still my prince and my knight. Seeing behind the makeup so to speak and still loving your spouse even more for the wonderful HUMAN they are is a beautiful thing! Remember, husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church. And if you have ever been to church, it is easy to see that it is flawed and full of sinful humans. . . Some days are harder than others. Your spouse will forget things, slip up, and disappoint you. Nonetheless, keep grace always in mind and let loving words fill your vocabulary.

Consider these questions:
1. Do you actively love your spouse where they are or are you holding them to unrealistic expectations?
2. Even when the glitter and glam of being newlyweds fades, how can you remain passionate rather than complacent and lazy in your marriage? (I understand that things calming down is normal and even healthy, but keeping intimacy and some passion is important.)

Humanity fell victim to sin, which separated us from God. Because of this, we do things that we know are wrong. We say and do hurtful things. As we have discussed before, our marriages are no exception to the rule. It should be our goal not to hurt our spouse; nonetheless, it still happens. Blaming our humanity may be a tempting excuse. However, when a spiritual sin is in our life, extermination is a much better route. I believe that there is common root to almost all sins: Pride. When we examine our motivations when we sin, pride is usually involved.

C.S. Lewis says it best when he says

“According to Christian teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is Pride… it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”

“As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

“For Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”

When I look back on times that I have said or done very selfish things that have hurt Mitch, or times that I have felt distant from God, I find a common culprit: My pride. It binds me and entangles me in unhealthy cycles. Many times, I have felt the Holy Spirit calling me to prayer or repentance, but my pride holds me back and refuses to let my knees bow.


                                            What can be done?


First of all, remember that each day is a new day and each moment a new moment. We can’t let our pride enslave us and keep us where we don’t want to be. In respect to our spouses, remember the words of Paul in Philippians 2.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit (Pride), but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in the very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross. (Verses 3-8)

Humility isn’t easy; rather, it is a tough calling. It takes practice and a heart that is controlled by Christ and His love. That takes relationship and humbleness toward your God first and foremost. When we are right with our Creator and let the Holy Spirit infiltrate us, we find humbleness a much more natural state because we are controlled less by our flesh and more by our spirit.

- Nathana

Questions:

1. How do you define pride?

2. What is the difference between pride and self-esteem?

        Today is September 11, 2012. Eleven years ago, America was his with an event that shook us to the core. It redefined what it meant to be safe within our own boarders. It changed airline safety checks and transportation in general forever. We created shiny new organizations and doubled down on protection of our nation and people. The United States of America had been attacked and we became quite sure that this would never happen again, for the soul reason that we would never allow it to. And up to today, we have been generally successful (as far as I know…)                               There is nothing wrong with this thought process in the large scale. In fact, as far as the nation goes, I’m really glad that we have taken the steps that we have. But, the process of putting up extra walls and protective barriers when dealing with relationships is not always healthy, nor effective. The heart needs to breath. If love is to work and grow, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to each other. Yes, this may mean that we may get hurt from time to time. Yes, we are putting our heart on the line. And yes, it will be scary, awkward, and difficult. Nevertheless, with all of these things stated, love can only work if it has room to flex. If we put up barriers and boarders between the ones we love the most and ourselves, how can we love each other effectively?
        I know that this is so much easier to say than to do. That is a given. To be truly honest and vulnerable with others is one of the scariest things ever. You are putting all of the power in the other person’s hands. They can do whatever they want with the information you give them. They could reject it and stomp on your heart. This scenario is terrifying - But it is also the worst-case outcome. Remember that your spouse has your best interests at heart. They want you to be truthful. They long for your honesty. The best-case scenario is that they hear what you have to say, keep it safe, and accept you for who you are.
        When we put ourselves on the line and our spouse doesn’t respond well, we are often tempted to put up walls around our heart. It’s natural. “Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame one me.” But that’s not exactly Biblical. In fact, Jesus tells us in Matt 5:38-9, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” Our spouses are not evil, but they are human. And even though it may feel safer to put up barriers so we aren’t hurt again, it really hurts us in the process. Keeping parameters around your heart means that you aren’t sharing it. When you don’t share of yourself you slowly turn into separate entities instead of the “one flesh” that we are aiming for (found in Gen 2:24.)
        In closing, I want to make sure that I state that eleven years ago our nation went through something terrible. I do not mean to make light of this matter in any way. I just thought of this analogy as a way to express being truthful. I hope and pray that you have been lifted, rather than burdened by this message tonight. Remember that honesty is difficult, but it is so very worth it.  Know that we love you guys and if there is anything we can be praying for please let us know!

- Mitch

This week I have been battling a cold. It is frustrating! Nothing irks me more than not being able to do normal activity because I feel wore out and sick. The cold began on Sunday, but really reared its ugly head on Mitch and I’s date day in Sedona. It was still a wonderful experience and we had great conversation while we took in God’s beauty; but my energy faded fast and we came home a little earlier than expected. I could barely keep my eyes open on our way home and it was only noon! I felt like I robbed Mitch of me being my best on such a special day.

As I thought about it today, I realized there are many things that can rob us of being 100% in our marriage. Sickness, emotional struggles, job stress, and so much more can leave us lacking. So what can we do in times like this?

1. Offer what you can. Your spouse will understand if you are not 100%. Offer what you can. It may not be your best; but that is ok. Even if you are dealing with stress and only have a small portion of yourself to offer, it is still something and worth offering. Give what you have. Your spouse will be impressed that you gave of yourself when you only had a little bit to give!

2. Realize that asking for help is not always a bad thing. We all fall short on occasion. Your spouse will have their trying days too. It takes a mature person to ask for help. Mitch always tells me that he likes it when I ask for help because it gives him specific ways to love me. Tonight he is excited to make me chicken noodle soup because he knows that it will show his love to me through serving me.

3. Slow down and take the opportunity to focus on yourself. Resting and working on getting your feet back underneath yourself does not make you self-centered! More often than not, when we get sick or stressed, it is because we have pushed ourselves too far and not taken care to get sleep and eat healthy. Allow your body to recover and give it what it needs, whether that is sleep or a healthier diet. If you can be a healthier and better you, it will affect your marriage in positive ways . . . remember a “better me can mean a better we.”

Please remember to respond to the questionaire that we posted a week ago. We would love to hear from you!

- Nathana